Broken 15 Complete
by vamphile
Summary: Angel finds cordelia after several years apart, and lots of stuff happens


Disclaimer:I obviously did not create these characters. I obviously write this stuff myself, only a single twisted mind could deliver such trash.

Personal Disclaimer:I am a graduate student, I spend 90% of my time reading and proofreading important papers for my like, you know, um, future, so don't count on a lot of proofreading of my fanfics. As a matter of fact a good bet would be at least four spelling errors and an abominable lack of punctuation. 

Oh, also, I love feedback, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but mostly the good. :)

Cordelia, Angel thinks about her almost every day, it has been three years since he has seen her, all due to a stupid argument over her wedding, he didn't like the guy, it wasn't jealousy, it was a feeling he got, but she would hear none of it and eventually they had lost track of each other, he thought about her most when he received these stupid cryptic ougia board type messages from the PTB's this time it was a flash on his TV screen, just and address and an image of a girl, scared, sitting on a bed in what looked like a shelter, he headed off to save someone, it's what he did.

Angel walked into the Women's shelter, there is a dormitory style room and scanned the beds, shrugging off the agitated guard. He sees her, she is sitting with her arms curled around her bent legs her forehead resting on her knees, he scoops her and her bag in his arms and walks out of the building, ignoring the women who are yelling at him. He places her in his car and arrives quickly back at the office. 

Wesley was at a desk looking for something regarding the strange demon they had encountered several nights ago when Angel came in with the girl in his arms. Wesley stood up immediately, is she, is she dead he asked.

Angel shook his head, just barely alive I think, she passed out in the car, she's been through something bad, I heard her mumbling.

Wesley looked at the thin frail woman in Angels arms, her face was hidden by her hair which didn't look or smell as if it had seen soap or water for days. 

I'm putting her to bed Angel said. Yes of course replied Wesley. Angel was prepared for this, he had seen more and more cases like this one lately, people who needed a safehouse until whatever had gotten to them was destroyed. He put the girl on the bed in the spare room he had put together. There was nothing in the room but a bed a chair and a stool, but the door locked and it was safe, he could keep and eye on whomever the PTBs needed him to save.

He laid the girl out and took a sharp and unneeded intake of breathe when he saw her face. It was not the bruises or the blood, that shocked him, it was the face itself, he knew each curve of that mouth, each dimple, it was Cordelia, and she looked like death. He hadn't cried since the wedding, he wanted to cry now. Something had attacked her, something vicious and it had left her helpless, and almost incoherent, she was trying to talk in her sleep but what she said made no sense. Angel settled her into bed and retrieved a pair of sweat pants and one of his shirts, just something for her to wear when she came to. 

He chose the stool rather than the chair and sat next to the bed, he would sit for as long as it took until she awoke, he needed to know what had done this to her, he needed to destroy it. He sat and waited.

It was hours before she awoke. When she did she didn't seem to notice Angel at first. Her first instinct was to curl up in the corner of the bed in the same position he had found her, arms around her legs, head on her knees. When she looked up and saw Angel a tear fell onto her knee.

Angel?

Cordelia.

Angel, what, um, I have to go she said, she grabbed her bag from beside the bed and headed toward the door. She didn't quite make it, she fell just before she got to the door. He picked her up for the second time that day and laid her gently into the bed. This time her turned off the light and locked the door. He planted himself in a chair in front of her room, he would give her privacy, but he would not let her go, not again, not after what she had been through.

While he waited he remembered all of the terrible things he had said to her, all of his efforts to stop her from making what he saw as a monumental mistake. The guy she had married was an accountant, rich, and seemingly devoted to Cordelia but something about him bothered Angel at the time, sometimes he wondered if it had been jealousy, as he fondly recalled each time Cordelia had defended him to someone. She was always so brave, and so devoted. He wondered what had happened to her and his hands clenched in fists, he found himself pacing in front of the door, waiting for her to wake up, he needed to know. He needed to fix this.

Cordelia came to a couple of hours later, and as before scrambled to the only position in which she felt safe anymore. She rummaged through her bag until she found what she was looking for and swallowed the pill dry, the strong sedatives were the only thing that kept her sanity these days. She wondered if she could use Angels shower before she left, and she had to leave, soon, this was nothing she could allow Angel to get involved in. This she would handle herself.

She peeked her head out of the door and Angel stopped his pacing.

Angel?, could I um use your shower, she asked.

Sure, of course, there are towels beside the tub, help yourself.

Thanks, she smiled, and then grimaced at the pain it caused.

Angel watched her move, slowly, as if every muscle in her body hurt, and in fact each one was screaming in agony but she would not let angel see the extent of her pain.

While she showered Angel handed her clothes to Wesley and had him throw them in the washer and dryer. 30 minutes later she peeked her head out the door, Angel, where are my clothes? I sent Wesley to wash them, there is a robe on the back of the door. 

Um, oh, thanks, I guess. She put on the thick terry robe and realized that it only reached her knees, the bruises on her legs would be obvious, she stood in the bathroom, not sure what to do, she could make a quick dash for the room with her stuff, or she could hide in the bathroom. A quick dash was out of the question she realized, even the painkillers and hot shower had not readied her for that, she sat and waited. 

After another ten minutes angel knocked, you okay in there he asked.

Yeah, just fine, I'm just waiting for my clothes. 

Cordelia, come on out, we have to talk.

Angel, I'm fine, really I just need my clothes and I'll be gone, you won't have to worry anymore.

You're not leaving he said, at least not until we talk.

He knew if he had any say in it she wouldn't leave until he was sure she was safe, but for now he didn't want to overwhelm her with that, he just wanted to know what had hurt her like this.

She ventured out of the bathroom, he took in her appearance and tried to settle his expression to it's usual taciturn stoic demeanor, it was difficult. He saw a bruise on her neck to match the mottled purple on her eye. There was an older bruise fading on the side of her face. Her lip was cut, and there were dark purple marks on her legs, he didn't want to think about how high those bruises reached or the implications. Instead he just offered her a cup of tea with sugar and cream the way she had always taken it. He also brought over a box of donughts, hoping she would eat something. She drank the tea in silence, refusing to make eye contact with him, keeping her hair over her face and her body curled in the chair as if she were trying to take up as little space as possible.

What happened he asked, it was almost a whisper.

Nothing, she replied, trying to smile, it is stupid, I was in a car accident, and I didn't want to go home and tell Greg because he loved that car.

So you went to a shelter rather than home to your husband.

Well, I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to you, but he really loved that car.

And the car, that's what punched you in the face.

Yeah, well, obviously not punched but I hit my head, got thrown from the car, ended up pretty banged up.

Did you go to the hospital? Angel wasn't buying a word of it.

She stared at her tea cup as if the right answer lay at the bottom.

Angel listen, do you have anything stronger than tea?

Coffee he asked.

More like vodka? 

There's some brandy I'll get you some.

Thanks again, this time she didn't even try to smile. The pain was getting worse again. 

She moved slowly over to the room where she had slept, and retrieved her bag, she moved aside a book and her wallet as well as some papers, there were no clothes in it but she found what she was looking for, a small aspirin bottle, but the contents weren't aspirin. She took out two of the beige pills and put them under her tongue. She was ready to head back to the living room when she spied the sweats and shirt, she started to change when Angel peeked his head in to check on her. 

She was naked when he looked in, her entire body covered with bruises, and the part that bothered Angel most, they were in different states of healing. This was not a one time deal, whatever had been coming after her had done so several times. He backed out of the room quickly, allowing her the privacy to change he clothes.

She came back out, an almost comical figure in clothes far too large for her, it would be comical, if the ensemble hadn't accentuated her frailties, and her pale coloring. In all the times Angel had imagined her, he had never seen pictured her looking anything but beautiful, tan, and perfectly groomed. This was a shock and he again felt the overwhelming need to fix it.

Listen Cordelia said, heading towards the door bag in hand, thanks for the loan, of the clothes and the bed, but I really should get home. I will send the clothes back, you can keep my stuff. Burn it, I don't need it.

Don't go Cordelia.

Cordelia looked at him, it would be easy she thought to let him deal with this, but then, no it wouldn't, it would be complicated, more complicated than she cared to imagine, so she braved a smile, swallowed the pills which were dissolving under her tongue with a bracing shot of brandy, and walked towards the door.

Angel beat her there. He slid the door shut and stood in front of it. I can't let you go back out there.

I'm not, she lied, I'm going home, to my husband, the one you hate, she added quietly.

Cordelia, I guess I was wrong, I don't have a problem with Greg, just tell me what happened, the Powers That Be don't send messages because a friend got into a car wreck, something did this to you and from the looks of things more than once, you need to tell me what happened, so I can fix it.

He remained calm, his body was tensed for action, but he didn't know what kind, he could stop her physically from leaving, from her glassy eyed look he might just have to catch her quickly before she fell, or he might have to head out into the night and annihilate whatever had hurt her so thoroughly, it all depended on what she did next.

What she did next was not what he was prepared for, she began to cry. Body wracking sobs. She sank to the floor and curled up in her now familiar little ball and cried. Angel lowered himself to the floor and held her. He pressed her head against his chest and soothed her as one would a small child. His anger became even greater. Cordelia so proud and strong reduced to this. He hated demons, but this was more than hate, this was visceral.

Cordelia allowed herself the luxury, she told herself it was just for a minute and then she would be on her way. For the moment though strong arms around her, a strong chest in which to bury her head, this was a luxury she had forgotten about, and she relished it. 

Wesley found them twenty minutes later, in the same position. He had her clothes, and some sandwiches, and the diet Pepsi Cordelia had always craved. He sat on the couch and waited for the crying jag to end. He himself had reasons to hate whatever had done this to her, and did not intend for Angel to fight it alone.

When Cordelia came to her senses she was drained, emotionally and physically, all she could think of was sleep, but she knew that sleeping here, staying another night where she was safe and cared for would only make what she had to do harder, so she gathered up her bag, and the clothes Wesley had put beside her and again headed toward the door. This time she got three steps before Wesley stopped her.

Cordelia, you are not leaving here, you are hurt and you are staying and, you are going to bloody well tell us what is going on. His face was stern, the watcher in him coming out. Whatever it is, we will research it, we will find it's weaknesses, and we will kill it, and you are obviously not safe until we do. 

Cordelia let out a laugh that bordered on hysteria, she poured herself another brandy and swallowed it down in a single gulp. Then she sat. Curled in that same ball, she sat on the chair Angel had left facing her room. Her back was towards the two of them and she considered her options. 

She could tell them the truth, she discarded that immediately. She could tell them another lame lie, or she could bide her time until she came up with something better, she got a strong suspicion that they are not going to let her leave. Her heart swelled, she felt a physical pang at the thought of the two men standing behind her, concerned only for her safety an nothing else at the moment. She headed towards her room. I need some sleep she said, not turning her head to look at either one. 

Both Wesley and Angel stood, not sure if they had won the battle, but relived that she didn't seem to want to leave. They heard the lock on her door click and they sat down to discuss what was on both their minds... What the hell had happened to her. 

Wesley began, some sort of demon obviously. Angel added, this wasn't her first battle with it, the bruises, their in different stages of healing, some new, others maybe a week older or more.

God, Wesley shook his head. What she must have been through, still she could have come to us. Hurt feelings or not, to put up with a demon after you, surely she knows we would have helped.

Angel stared down at his hands. Maybe not, maybe the things we said to each other can't be taken back, maybe she was still to angry with us to even think about us.

They both sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Wesley had not disapproved of the marriage, but had heartily disapproved of her leaving Angel investigations. They were fighting, she and Angel, he saw that, but her visions, her gift, from Doyle, was she willing to turn her back on that? And she had. For the first few months they had received phone calls to tell them what she had seen, the visions eventually stopped entirely, and they had not spoken now for years. Wesley regretted it, but he knew Angel regretted it more. As much as he tried to be Wesley could never be as strong a link to the human world for Angel as Cordelia had been. 

Angel's thoughts were more self critical. He knew this was his fault. If not for him Cordelia would never have been involved in the otherwold of LA. And if not for him her attempt to leave it would not have led to such consequences. He frowned, and wondered when she would wake up. This waiting with nothing to fight situation was worse than his summer in hell.

Both Angel and Wesley had nodded off in the living room when Cordelia peeked her head out hours later. She tiptoed through the living room hoping to slip out before either of them saw her. She had been here over 24 hours now, if she didn't get back there would be hell to pay. She was about to slide open the door when Angel, stealthy as always touched her hand. She jumped.

Going somewhere?

Um, for a bagel, I was hungry, she lied.

Wesley, get Cordelia a bagel, sesame, with cream cheese, those are the ones she likes if I remember correctly. He raised an eyebrow at her, she and I will be talking.

Wesley went to the kitchen his only hope that Angel would finally get her to reveal what it was they should be fighting.

Cordelia sat resignedly on the sofa, Angel stood and waited. Cordelia curled herself into a ball again, a now familiar position. 

Angel stood waiting.

Cordelia sighed.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia looked up at Angel but when their eyes met she quickly looked away.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia fiddled with her hair, and then gratefully accepted the bagel from Wesley, who sat on the chair.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia took a bite and chewed thoughtfully. Each movement of her jaw was excruciating, but she tried not to show it. She wasn't at all hungry, and really only wanted to get out of here but she was becoming increasingly aware that until she came up with a good story she would not be allowed to leave. Again the strange longing sensation of being cared for.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia took a sip of the tea Wesley had provided.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia looked to Wesley, who did not seem willing to offer any support in her plea to leave.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia Began.

I was in a car accident, because a slime demon came out from nowhere and attacked me, he called me the one who sees, he apparently didn't have a recent tour book, I haven't had a vision in 2 and a half years. Anyway, it attacked me and I crashed the car, and I forgot where I was and my phone number. It's stupid, I could remember my husbands face, and a lot of other stuff but not his last name, our last name, she corrected quickly, or address or phone number, but I remember them now, so alls well that ends well, right. She smiled, and prayed he would buy it.

Angel Waited.

Cordelia looked at him pleadingly and then began playing with her hair.

Angel Waited.

If I tell you the truth she asked, do you promise to let me handle it, not to get involved?

Angel waited. 

Is there any way I am going to be allowed to leave without telling you what happened she asked.

No, Angel replied.

Okay, I will tell you, but it is stupid and you have to promise not to be too angry with me.

Angel Waited.

Greg, remember Greg, you know, from my wedding? Angel nodded.

Well Greg and I were doing fine, but suddenly about six months ago, business just started to take a nose dive. He was losing clients and they weren't giving explanations, just pulling their accounts and heading elsewhere, anyway Greg was really concerned about money but then about a month ago he got a new client, and it was the first time I had ever interfered with his business but it really concerned me. 

Angel Waited. 

It was Wolfram and Hart. Just out of nowhere they hired him as an outside accountant for some of their smaller clients, and they told him that if he proved himself he would either be taken into the firm or given their larger clients for contract work. Well, I mean, how can I sit by and watch him handle and manage the money of, well of demons, or people in league with demons. Okay I have not exactly been otherworld girl lately, and I don't have the visions anymore but I still know that demons are bad, and that Wolfram and Hart's world isn't an easy place to leave. I told him not to take the job.

Angel sat next to her, and was upset when he saw her cringe at his nearness, she really hated him he thought. So, Angel started, Wolfram and Hart sent someone to do this to you he asked, relieved, hurting those as W+H would be enjoyable enough without the added bonus of hurting whomever had hurt his friend.

Cordelia was silent, it would be easy to let him believe that it was a minion from W+H but she had come this far, she would tell him the rest, and he would see that it was nothing he needed to get involved in.

Can I have some more of that brandy, she asked.

Wesley poured her a double and she downed it in a single gulp.

It wasn't someone from Wolfram and Hart exactly, she said in a quiet voice, staring at her knees.

Then who was it...exactly, Angel asked.

It was Greg.

She waited but there was no response, the room was silent she was afraid to look up, she knew there would be accusing faces from each of them. She knew she had been wrong to tell them, they had been so concerned, a demon was after her. Now that they knew it was only her husband, they would be angry.

Wesley and Angel looked at each other, not shocked, only saddened, the strong self serving bitch they had loved had allowed her husband to do this to her? Angel looked at Cordelia again, as concerned as ever if not more.

She stood up, so it's nothing for you two to worry about, just a domestic squabble. Lets keep in touch okay? She grabbed her bag and headed toward the door.

Angel stood at the door, to stop her. I am tired of keeping you from leaving, he said, lets set a couple of ground rules. A. You are going to the hospital to be thoroughly taken care of and B. Then you are coming back here. You are not leaving until I know you are safe, nothing has changed he said, his broad chest blocking her exit. She looked at the floor, getting out of the hospital would be easier than getting out of this apartment. She agreed and they headed toward the car. 

Cut to the hospital

Angel is in the waiting area, when a doctor approaches. Are you the boyfriend. No Angel answers, she's married, to someone else...not me. His underlying idea... don't get mad at me, I didn't do this.

Is that the husband, the doctor gestures towards Wesley. No, we're friends of hers, is she okay. The doctor looks at them. She might be.

Angel stands for a moment in silence, he expected a yes. Might??? 

She was hurt badly, a couple of times, there are a couple of healed fractures, a current broken rib, and well, signs that she was raped. Whoever has been doing this to her has been doing it for a while. She needs a safe place to be, and a therapist for the guilt.

It is most definitely not her fault, Wesley cut in.

I am not implying that it is, the doctor defended himself. She however believes it to be. She has apologized to me, my nurses, the lab techs, everyone, for bothering them. She has internalized this, so although she may not be in any physical danger at the moment, she is in a position to put herself in it again.

Can we see her Angel asked?

She's in room 12, we're releasing her in about an hour, I can buy you another hour or two at the most, but after that, she is free to go, she is an adult and I can't keep her here against her will.

Angel nodded, she won't be putting herself in any more danger. He walked past the doctor to see his friend, Wesley stayed behind. He wanted to be there but Angel and Cordelia had a special bond that needed to be strengthened again, before anything else could be done.

Cordelia saw him walk in, and reminded herself, just agree with him and get him out of here, then you can leave.

She tried a smile, it didn't reach her eyes.

Angel sat next to her and took the hand that was not wrapped in a bandage. Hey, he said.

Hi, she replied.

You and I, um, I'm sorry he said.

She looked at him, what was he apologizing for? No Angel, this is my fault, I lied to you, I let you think it was a demon, I am sorry, about all of it. Look, the doctor said he could release me soon, and then I can go, get out of your way, let you get back to fighting the good fight, right? She smiled at him and hoped he would make it this easy.

His hand tightened around hers. She really did believe this to be her fault. The rage he usually reserved for vampires who preyed on the weak and unsuspecting boiled up in him towards Greg. He tried not to show it, anger would only scare Cordelia more.

Angel, Cordelia said, in a small voice, can we just not talk about this anymore.

He looked at her, stared into her eyes, she averted his gaze.

Cordelia, we have to talk about this. He hurt you. It is not your fault, It's okay, you'll be safe, you can stay with me.

I can't she replied. I have to go home to him.

He stared at her, dumbstruck.

She began again, quickly before he could interrupt with more promises of safety that she couldn't accept. I left him for a day or two, stayed at the shelter. In a softer tone, I've done it before. It gives me a chance to recoup, gives him a little time to calm down, and then I go home, and we work things out. It won't happen again Angel, he was just mad, mad about my telling him what to do about his business, mad about... well, a lot of things, but this was the worst Angel, it isn't usually like this, and I think he's gonna realize it, even when I was leaving he promised to get some help. He's probably already seeing someone about this.

Angel didn't know if she believed what she had just told him, but he knew he didn't. He had seen it once or twice before in those who had come to him, and maybe the men were capable of getting help, of being in good relationships with women they didn't want to hurt, but he had never seen it. He would not let her go back.

Cordelia, he raped you. The words were out of his mouth before he could think, and the moment they were said he wanted to take them back. This line of talk would only scare her more. 

She took in a sharp breath which caused her no small amount of pain. How do you, what did, um, no, no he didn't.

The doctor told me, he told me a lot of things. This isn't new behavior for him, and this kind of pain, it isn't new for you. Cordelia, you deserve so much more, please, don't go back to this to him.

Cordelia laughed. Deserved more? That was funny. Angel, this is my fault. I know what makes him angry, I knew that when I told him what to do he would be angry, I knew when I told him about...other things he would be angry, I knew, and I did it anyway, this is my fault.

I can't say this enough, Cordelia, this is not your fault, no matter what he had no right to hurt you. It doesn't matter what you told him, and by the way, you are right, getting involved with Wolfram and Hart is too dangerous to just sit by and watch it happen, but Cordelia, this is not you, it is him. He is the one doing the hitting, I'm willing to lay odds that he is not suffering from a myriad of broken bones and bruises. You didn't hit him, this is not, your fault.

Cordelia wanted to believe him, it would be so nice to just go back to her old life, when the life threatening demons were clearly bad, and she didn't love and need them, but she had chosen her lot. She had walked out on her friends and threw her gift by the side of the road, the parting gift Doyle had given her. She had made the choice. She could not go back, in a few days Angel would find something far more evil to fight and she would return to her status as memory.

Angel, I am sorry about everything, but really, I am okay, or I will be, I just need to sleep in my own bed and maybe have a drink or two, talk to my husband, maybe see a counselor with him, work through some stuff, and then it will all be okay.

Wesley walked into the room then. He looked as if he had been crying but at the moment his face was set in the manner he saved for disobeying slayers and the repair man who charged him too much for the last job. Cordelia, stop asking to leave. You are not leaving.

Yes, she is Angel said. If she wants to go home, we can't stop her. Wesley's jaw dropped. Cordelia felt a sense of relief mixed with sharp disappointment, one more man promising safety and comfort and then forgetting about it. She eased herself off the bed

Now if you gentlemen will give me a moments privacy, I would like to get dressed. 

They both walked out of the room.

Wesley started, Angel, we cannot...

Angel cut him off, we're not. I have no intention of leaving her alone with him, but fighting her constantly to keep her in my place like a prisoner, that's not going to work either.

You have a plan, Wesley said.

I have a plan, Angel repeated.

Cordelia met them at the doorway, her bag in hand, could, god I hate asking this, um, could I borrow cab fare, I forgot to bring my wallet with me.

I'll drive you Angel said.

Cut to a large house somewhere in the Hollywood hills.

Angel, Cordelia and Wesley are all sitting in Angel's car, it was just after sunset when they left the hospital. A silent hour's car ride later they had arrived and Cordelia and Greg's home. It was lavish, with a gated driveway, none of them said a word.

Cordelia broke the silence. Thank you, I'm sorry, for everything, goodbye, and with that she took her bag and rang the bell on the front door.

They sat in the car and watched as Greg greeted her at the door, he didn't look happy to see her. Greg looked past her and stared at Angel's car, as it drove away.

So Wesley asked, what is the plan?

I go there, I hit him hard in the face, I take Cordelia back with me.

Wesley looked at him, not a complicated plan, can I help?

Yes, you can make sure that my place is ready for her when she gets back, pick up some clothes, and whatever that white stuff, um yogurt, and whatever else she likes to eat, I want her to feel welcome. Oh, and Wesley, get some more brandy, I think she cleaned us out.

Wesley left to run errands, normally he might feel resentful of such menial tasks being assigned to him, but at the moment, anything that would help rectify this situation seemed important.

Angel waited about an hour. When he heard shouting and something break he rang the bell. Cordelia answered the door, Greg was not far behind. Angel, wha, um, oh, come in.

Angel was relived she had remembered that he needed the invitation. He put on his best drunk brogue and stumbled across the threshold. Cordelia, Cordelia, I need the use of your sofa, it seems, I'm ,oh, what's that word you use, wasted. Of course, she walked next to Angel and supported him on her good side, although she noticed he was not really leaning his weight on her. She settled him on the couch and he seemed to pass out immediately. 

Greg grabbed her arm and spun her around, so he sneered, this is your precious Angel, the one so important you wanted me to turn down Wolfram and Hart.

Angel continued his charade as a passed out drunk as he listened carefully.

Cordelia walked past him into a room off of the living room, and shut the door, Greg followed. Angel could hear every word they were saying through the door, he listened intently.

Greg, look, I saw Angel yesterday. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would respond like this. I guess he just needed a place to crash tonight, but it is not what you think at all.

Not what I think, Greg yelled. How could your little shallow mind possibly begin to imagine what I think? First you almost call off the wedding because your Boss doesn't like me, then, you continue to call him in the middle of the night for the first six months of our marriage, and now, when things need a little work, you go running to him, explain to me Cordelia how it could be something other than you screwing your old flame huh?

Cordelia knew that this was the crux of the matter. The whole argument, the arguments had always been about Angel. She could not tell Greg what he was, or what he meant to her, and so Greg imagined something else, something more ordinary but also more infuriating. She understood his anger. She loved Greg and was so hurt last year when she found out he had slept with someone else after one of their fights but she knew that that too was somehow her fault, that the fighting and the constant coldness between them had led them to it. 

Cordelia knew that Greg assumed that she had once loved Angel, and now he was sitting her accusing her of still loving him, She knew she should be quiet, let him rant, but she couldn't stand that he might be as hurt as she had been. She tried to reassure him.

Greg, I never, Angel and I never, I mean he was a friend, but that is all, it is not what you think.

Greg exploded, he grabbed a small paperweight off of the desk and threw it at the door, he came menacingly closer to her and she cowered. His arm went up and she steeled herself for the coming blow, trying to protect her bad arm and rib.

The blow never came, when she looked up Angel had Greg pinned against the desk, Greg's back bent Angel's hands on his throat. 

I will tell this to you once. She is leaving with me, you do not touch her, come near her, or think about her again, or I will snap your neck, after I let you experience the kind of pain you have put her in, do you understand me?

Greg said nothing, he could say nothing with the diminished air supply Angels hand allowed. 

Cordelia, Angel Said over his shoulder, there is a cab outside, get in.

Cordelia did not think about it this time, she just went. 

Angel let go of Greg once he was sure that Cordelia was safely out of the house, and followed her into the cab. He gave the driver his address, and held Cordelia as she leaned against his chest and began to cry.

She was not okay, but she would be, he would see to that personally.

The end of part one.

I love feedback about anything but typing and grammar. 

During the cab ride home Angel had held Cordelia close, they had not spoken, she had cried against his chest, and he had soothed her as one would a small child. His rage had not abated but his fear for her was beginning to recede. She had come with him willingly, a small part of the battle had been won.

Cordelia's thoughts were racing, and each one was sadder than the last. As she cried against Angel's chest she thought about all the things they had said to each other. Things they couldn't take back, and she cried harder.

Forty minutes later they were in front of Angel's building, silently they both walked into the building and took the elevator down to his apartment. Wesley was there, waiting, and he looked relieved to see the both of them.

Angel Cordelia said, I'm really tired. I know you have a lot of things you want to say to me. There is a lot I need to say to you, but tonight, I think I just need some rest.

Of course Angel replied.

Cordelia walked slowly into her room.

The room had changed since the last time she had been there, just a few hours ago. The bed had some frilly comforter set on it, there were clothes neatly folded on the chair as well as a thick and long terrycloth robe. She sighed and sat on the bed, she wanted to cry again, at the effort they had put into creating a place for her. She knew she didn't deserve such friends but at the moment all she could be was grateful.

Cordelia curled up under the covers still fully clothed but could not find a comfortable place to be. She fished through her pockets until she found a bottle and took out two of the blue pills that were usually a help in these matters. She swallowed them with no water and laid there staring at the ceiling. Eventually she fell asleep.

Wesley and Angel were in his living room. Wesley began. Greg, what happened to him.

Angel smiled ruefully. Nothing, I threatened but I didn't hurt him. Wesley, she believes this is her fault, he has her brainwashed. How do we convince her... how do we show her?

Wesley was silent for a moment. I don't know Angel, I haven't any idea what she is thinking, I mean, what could she be thinking to allow that, that, monster to do this to her, to go back to him.

She is thinking that she has nowhere to turn, Angel replied. She is right you know, she didn't have anyone to turn to, I took care of that, no wonder she hates me so much, she thinks I turned my back on her... I guess I did. It's funny, I talk about souls to save, and not having the right to make the choice about whose soul I save, but I turned away from her. I left her alone. I never called her when she stopped calling with the visions. I left her to him. I have done terrible things, but those where when the demon had control, this one, this thing, Cordelia, it's not her fault, it's mine.

Wesley was silent. He did not believe it to be Angel's fault but Angel had mastered the art of self flagellation and arguing with him at this point, would be well, pointless, he allowed the vampire to brood while he finished putting away the groceries.

They both sat in silence for awhile neither knowing what to say, both lost in their own world of thought and regret. Wesley considered his portion of the blame in all of this. Angel had been adamant about the doom of her impending marriage, Wesley had not been so verbal. He had kept himself out of it for the most part, but he did nothing when the contact with Cordelia dropped off, well that wasn't true and it was the small thing he did that continued to haunt him now. 

Two years ago, after not hearing from Cordelia for six months he had stopped by her house, to ensure that she had not in fact dropped off the face of the earth. She answered the door, she had been on crutches at the time, claimed she had tripped on a pair of impossibly high heels. This had led her to a rant on the evils of Italian shoe design. He had left shortly after that. Had it been happening back then? Had he been to blind or stupid to see it. Should he mention the event to Angel? Wesley went over it again and again in his mind and could not come to an answer.

Angel paced the living room, re-living all the horrible things Cordelia and he had said to one another. He had accused her of being cavalier with doyle's memory. He had accused her of loving Greg for his money and nothing else. He had told her that she was the same shallow and vapid little girl she had been in high school, and that she had to make a choice between her destiny, her gift, and her boyfriend. She had chosen.

Angel would give anything to go back and change those words, to tell her no matter what she could always come to him. Angel considered all the times he could have picked up the phone and call her, kept the lines of communication open, but he hadn't. He'd been angry and hurt. She was his one link to the human world, and she had forsaken him, as he had seen it then. He had allowed her to go with a man he could sense was bad, and he had not been there for her when she needed him. His head spun with the mistakes he had made. Eventually Angel eased open her bedroom door and saw her sleeping peacefully, he sat on the stool near her bed and watched her sleep. It helped him to see her, safe now. All the mistakes in the past, they couldn't be fixed, but he would ensure no further slip-ups in the protection of Cordelia in the future. Eventually he dozed off sitting on the stool.

Cordelia awoke in the morning to find him there watching her.

Her first thought was that he had changed his mind, he was going to ask her to leave. She curled up in the corner of the bed, a now all to familiar position for Angel to see. She steeled herself for whatever came next,

Cordelia he said, his voice almost a whisper, he reached out to brush the hair from her face, he needed to see her eyes, to try and get some idea of what she was feeling towards him. He was hurt when she flinched away from his touch. She hated him so much, he thought, she only allowed him to get near her in times of hysteria, but she was afraid of him. He pulled his hand back quickly and stood to leave the room.

You can take a shower, or whatever, there is food and um, clothes, and well, feel better he said. He left, not knowing what to say, how to fix the rift lay between the two of them.

Cordelia knew Angel's coldness towards her was due to his anger. At this point she was just grateful that he hadn't asked her to leave yet. She would make other arrangements soon. In the meantime she fished into her pocket again and poured the contents of her bottle onto the bed. She sorted the pills by color, six yellows, three blues, and only two beige. She examined the bottle, there was still a refill left on the valium, and the doctor had given her one for the Darvoset, if she could get hose filled she would be okay until she could contact Jerry. Jerry always got her whatever she needed. She swallowed one of the Perkaset she had left and made her way to the bathroom. There was no mirror in her room, and none here either.

As bad as she knew she looked she was thankful.

When she came out of the shower, she considered food, but the thought turned her stomach. She poured herself a large dose of brandy into a tumbler and swallowed most of it down in a single gulp.

Angel watched, he wondered if this constant drinking with her was a new thing, or a method she had been using to deal with the pain. He wasn't ready to say anything about it yet.

Cordelia, how are you feeling.

Cordelia avoided looking at him by busying herself rearranging medieval weaponry on the coffee table. 

I'm good, she said, I um, have to go out for a few minutes this morning.

What do you need? I'll send Wesley. No, it's really not something Wesley can do for me, it will only take a half hour tops. 

Can it wait 'til sundown.

Cordelia mentally went over the inventory in her pocket, um, not really. I have to get a prescription filled. There that was the truth, he couldn't argue with it.

Wesley can do that for you.

Angel I'm okay I can go out alone.

No you cant. 

Cordelia sat on the chair and Angel sat on the coffee table in front of her curled up form.

Angel, you can't try and protect me from everything, I can make it to the drug store.

Give me at least a day Cordelia, one day to make sure you're safe before you blast headlong into danger again... please.

Danger?, Angel, I need to go to the pharmacy, hardly a danger. She was panicking now. What if he didn't let her go, she couldn't get through the day without these and her alterations of the prescription would put Wesley in danger, she couldn't allow that.

She twirled a piece of hair thoughtfully, staring down at her knees.

Angel watched her, battling some internal decision he couldn't understand, why was it so important that she go alone? His thoughts on the matter stopped when the sleeve to the robe fell below her elbow, revealing a fresh red burn in her forearm.

He grabbed her arm and turned it upwards to examine it more closely.

What's this he asked.

She startled out of her reverie at the touch of his cool hands. She was startled even further when she realized what he had discovered.

It's a burn Angel, it's nothing.

Angel didn't let go of her wrist. It's new.

No, not really she replied, trying in vain to retrieve her arm or at least turn it so that the ugly red welt was no longer in sight.

This wasn't here yesterday.

Yes, it was.

No it wasn't. when did he do this?

Angel It's no big deal, it was after I got home, before you came back okay, we were fighting, he was trying to explain the kind of pain my leaving caused, this was how he chose to show me, okay?

Oh god, Angel thought, I was outside, I was right outside the door when he did this. I failed again.

He brushed his thumb over similar but more fully healed marks in the same area. Cordelia felt his cool thumb against the heat of the burn, and the heat of her shame. Everything he did made her want to cry.

Oh god Cordelia, he said, his voice breaking with the pain he felt, I am so sorry.

She looked up at him, you didn't do this.

Yes, he said, tears visible in his eyes now, this is my fault, if I hadn't said all of those horrible things to you. If I hadn't forced you to choose. If I hadn't turned my back on you, left you no options, you could have come to me. I was outside your house yesterday, I never left. I was there, I could have stopped this he said, motioning to her arm. I should have stopped all of this. I am sorry Cordelia, so sorry. Please don't keep hating me.

Cordelia was frozen with shock. He thinks I hate him she thought to herself? Angel, I could never hate you. You didn't make me choose, I chose. I made the decision. I turned my back on you, Doyle, the Powers that Be, Angel investigations, everything... and for what? For a husband who can't find the words to tell me how much he loves me? For security, for safety? Yeah once again Cordelia Chase-Brighton makes another stellar decision. 

Angel, this, this with Greg, this with us, it is all my fault. I know you are angry at me. You don't know how many times I thought about calling you, asking for help, or just hanging out again, in the office, but I burned that bridge, I couldn't rebuild it. I made my choice. I know you want to protect me, it's your job, and after all you have cornered the market on brooding guilt, but Angel, this isn't your fault, this isn't your doing. What you said to me before the wedding, you were right, I did have a duty, and a goal, and I gave it all up for empty promises. 

And what I said to you, everything about not understanding what it's like to be human, to need love, to need companionship, to care about someone. That was cruel, and wrong, and Angel, you are more human than most of the men I have ever known. Please, don't hate me.

He pulled himself together enough to bundle her in his arms, careful not to squeeze to hard. Cordelia I could never hate you, you are my best friend. I don't know what it's like to be human, but you have shown me, I need you here, to keep showing me. Do you forgive me?

Only if you will forgive me.

Lets just forget everything we said before the wedding, emotions were running high, and we both said things we didn't mean.

Cordelia buried her face in his chest, god, I've dreamed you would say that to me one day. He smiled a little, unable to revel in the moment of tenderness, knowing they had a hard road ahead of them before she would really be okay, but for the moment he held her, and thanked whomever it was that looked over them both and let them find their way back to friendship again. 

So, she broke away from his comfortable chest, you'll let me go.

No.

Angel.

Cordelia.

Angel I have to do this alone.

Why?

It's, well, I just don't want to feel like I can't make it on my own.

Cordelia, I trust you, it's the rest of the world I don't trust right now. Just wait until sundown, so that I can go with you...please.

she nodded her head in acquiescence. If you promise to just stand outside, and give me a moment or two of handling things on my own. Deal?

Deal.

The rest of the day was spent resting, for both of them.

Angel hadn't truly slept since he had brought Cordelia back, and Cordelia was healing, every movement caused pain at this point, so after changing into some loose fitting clothing she curled up on the couch with one of Angel's ancient texts, the kind she used to think were too dull for words, and read about the various demons that were much simpler to hate. 

When Angel awoke he found Cordelia asleep on the sofa, curled up with the book on her lap. He picked up the bottle on the table to put the brandy away, and was surprised to find it empty. Apparently Wesley hadn't had a chance to replace it.

Cordelia awoke, groggy, from the drugs, and the effort each movement took. She picked up her black shoulder bag, the one she guarded with her life these days, and followed Angel to the door.

They walked in silence the few blocks to the pharmacy, she was glad it was still there, not taken over by a large chain. The small pharmacies in this area tended to ask fewer questions. She handed the bottle to the pharmacist, a greasy man in a stained white smock. With only a moments hesitation she handed him the altered scrip. The doctor had ordered ten darviset, with a little creative maneuvering she had changed it to 100. He didn't even question it, simply filled both prescriptions, and took her money. She picked up a cheap table mirror as well. While Cordelia understood the lack of mirrors in the apartment, she needed to check the progress of her healing, and well, the makeup she bought, while cheaper than the stuff she usually used, should provide enough coverage to at least make her presentable.

On the way back she ducked into a liquor store, Angel followed. She smiled at him. I went a little heavy on the brandy, I just wanted to replace it for you. Don't worry he said, I keep it around for just such occasions. It's okay Angel, just wait for me outside, I'll be there in a couple of minutes.

Angel didn't understand her need for privacy but he could only imagine what she had been through, what she was still going through, she needed to regain her trust in herself, and if that meant hanging back at the store, then so be it. Cordelia used her husbands credit card and bought a good bottle of brandy for Angel, she arranged to have a case of vodka delivered in the morning, that would keep her from having to hit him up for anything else. Now if the next part of her plan worked, she would be set.

She walked out of the store with the first real smile Angel had seen on her face. He felt a tightness in his chest. He didn't realize how much he had missed her smile, and how much it was a part of her until he saw it again. He swore to himself that he would endure that she never need go without smiling for so long again.

She took his hand as they walked down the street, her warmth was something else he had forgotten about her. She was walking at a fast pace, and if it weren't for Angel's superior reflexes, she would have hit the ground before he caught her when she passed out.

He carried her back home and for the umpteenth time in just a few short days, he laid an unconscious Cordelia on the bed and took his now familiar position by the stool and waited. 

Cordelia awoke and stretched lazily, the sharp pain in her right side from the broken rib brought everything back quickly. She sat up, a little confused. Angel was at her side immediately. 

Cordelia, are you okay

fine, fine, how did...where...um, what happened.

You collapsed

oh

Cordelia, when was the last time you ate, Angel asked

a crease formed in her forehead as she tried to remember. I had that bagel.

You took a bite of that bagel. When was the last time you ate before I brought you here.

She thought about it. Um Greg and I went out to dinner the night I left.

That was four days ago, you haven't eaten in four days?

I really haven't been hungry.

You have to eat something

Angel, I can't I can't eat anything, I just...

you just need to start taking care of yourself, or at least letting me do it for now. I'll get you something.

She bowed her head, no use arguing she thought, he'll force feed me if he has to, and besides, my plan will only work if he believes I am getting better.

Angel left the room to get her something to eat.

Cordelia assumed he would be gone for a while and fished through her bag for the pills she had gotten from the pharmacy earlier. She sorted them out, and took two of the pain killers and a sedative, she was opening the small bottle of vodka she had picked up for herself when he walked in with a cup of yogurt and a spoon.

Angel opened the door just in time to see her throw a couple of pills to the back of her throat and wash them down with vodka.

Sadness overwhelmed him. Everytime he thought he had her problems at least in hand, she presented him with a new challenge. He didn't know how to approach this with her. Wesley had sworn that he had replaced the brandy which meant she was going through a bottle a day, an if she was taking pills with it, the mystery wasn't why she collapse, but how she held out as long as she did.

Cordelia wasn't sure he had seen the pills, she acted as if nothing were out of the ordinary, maybe she was in the clear.

Angel handed her the yogurt, here, eat this.

She ate quietly while he watched her, as if he weren't completely convinced that she would eat if he weren't there to ensure it.

So, vodka huh, he started.

Yeah, helps to kill the pain.

I thought that's what the painkillers you just took were for.

She looked at him, tears welled up in her eyes. Don't take this away from me too.

Angel didn't know what to do, did she think he had taken Greg away from her, and was he supposed to sit by and watch her drown her body and her brain in chemicals. He was at a loss, but nowhere near ready to give up. 

Too? He asked quietly.

I didn't mean that Angel, I know you didn't take Greg away from me, that was my choice. And I don't take pills on a regular basis, it's only when the pain gets real bad.

From the hospital reports the pain's been real bad for awhile. Is that why you didn't want me there, in the pharmacy, because you were getting so many prescriptions filled? 

Angel it's not that, I just wanted some time,

time for what Cordelia, to feed your habit, you can't go on like this. You are too important, too valuable to be hurting yourself like this. Cordelia, his voice low with pain now, please.

Cordelia laughed. Valuable, even you don't believe that, Angel at best I am disposable. Look how easily everyone has ever gotten rid of me, Xander, my parents, you, Greg, everyone. Angel I will be okay I just need a little time.

Time for the...he grabbed the bottle of vodka out of her bag, and found several pill bottles tucked in around it, oh god Cordelia, this has to stop.

It will Angel, I have a plan.

He cocked an eyebrow and listened.

Cordelia took a deep breath, this was it, this was her one chance to change his mind about everything.

In a couple of days, I want to call Greg

Angel began to interrupt but Cordelia put up her hand, no just listen to me.

We'll invite Greg here, and we can talk, there are obviously some promises he has to make, some changes that have to occur, but Angel, remember you told me once that it was not our choice whose souls we save. We can't let him get involved with Wolfram and Hart, and I can't just file for divorce and never see him again. Angel, I love him, and I know that under his anger is the man I fell in love with. Please, help me with this.

Angel was stunned, his brain was being bombarded with problems to solve, too many at once, and none of them could be fixed with an ax, no that would be to simple. He said nothing for a moment as he allowed himself to absorb all that Cordelia had just told him. He looked at her pleading eyes, about to spill over with tears, the cut on her lip, the bruise on her cheek. His mind flashed back to the bruises on her back and legs, the burn on her arm. This was the man she loved, this was the man she was ready to give another chance. He had no response.

His brain considered the vodka, the myriad of pills, everything she had been through, the fact that she had still only eaten half the yogurt... it was all too much for him. 

Finish your yogurt Cordelia, we will talk about the rest after that, with that he walked out of her room and paced the floor not sure what to do or where to turn.

The phone rang

he ignored it.

The phone rang again.

Angel continued to ignore it

when the phone rang for the 16th time he picked it up, agitated, yeah?

Angel, this is Greg.

Angel's jaw stiffened, Cordelia isn't here he said.

I didn't call to talk to her, Lindsay from Wolfram and Hart asked me to give you a call.

Angel's head already reeling spun around again as he tried to focus on the new set of circumstances.

Lindsay knows my number, what does he want.

Same thing he always wants from what I can gather, you to stay away from them and their clients.

I thought you were an accountant, now you make personal threat calls for them.

No, Lindsay has a deal to offer you, it involves, me, you, Cordelia, all of it.

I don't make deals.

I think you'll be interested in this deal, it could save you a lot of time and energy.

Angel knew it was a trap, knew that no promise made by Greg Lindsay or Wolfram and Hart could be trusted but he had to know how they factored in to all of this.

Angel? Are you still on the line.

I'm here Greg. They want to meet, at their offices tomorrow.

No Angel said, we'll meet in my offices, tomorrow at one.

I don't think...

I do, if Lindsay and Wolfram and Hart want to talk to me they will be here at One PM, otherwise, I will be perfectly content to continue to put their clients, including you, out of business.

Angel hung up the phone before Greg could respond, he had some work to do before tomorrow, but first, he needed to make sure Wesley could put Cordelia up at his place while the meeting was going on. After what Cordelia had told him, he was not letting her in the same room with that maggot.

The end part Two,

hey, I love feedback.

Part three is in the works and on it's way 6/6/00

Cordelia was livid, and Angel had forgotten just how much he enjoyed, and dreaded her wrath.

What?! She asked again, this time her voice was even higher and louder. She felt the pain in her ribs as she yelled but at this point she was beyond caring.

Angel, do you actually think that I am going to just let you ship me off to Wesley's while you and Greg and Lindsay sit around and debate who is the evilest guy in the room. Angel I am going to be there.

Angel tried not to smile, it was good to see something in Cordelia's eyes other than pain, and besides, he had no intention of giving in on this one. Cordelia, I know you are concerned but it's too soon.

Too soon?!?!? She yelled. Too Soon, Angel I have been involved in this longer than you have, a case could be made for the fact that it's my fight, not yours. I am going to be at that meeting tomorrow.

Angel sighed, all her points were valid, but, he was not ready to put her in a room with Greg, not after she had told him how much she still loved the bastard. Besides, Angel was pretty sure this was a setup of some kind, and Cordelia was in no condition to start a fight, let alone finish one.

Cordelia, no.

Angel, I'm not leaving this building, you can't make me.

She looked again at his large brooding presence and added quickly,

okay maybe you can Make me, but you wouldn't right, I mean, I can come to the meeting right?

Angel didn't know which he found more intimidating, her yelling or her manipulative little girl act, all he knew was that they both meant that she had no intention of leaving peaceably. Cordelia, you can stay.

Oh Angel, thank you, you won't regret this.

I already regret it, but you are not coming to the meeting, you are staying down here.

Cordelia frowned but knew when to quit, it was kind of funny how quickly she and Angel fell back into their old rhythms, she sat on the couch and sulked, but she knew it would get her nowhere.

Wesley came in moments later to find Cordelia sitting on the sofa, pouting prettily, and Angel in the kitchen searching for something.

Angel, what is it...his question was interrupted by a clatter of instruments falling to the floor. 

Wesley do you think you could clean this place up? It's a disaster area.

Well Angel, if you will recall we have both been rather occupied with other more pressing problems, of late, but if you would just tell me what it is you are looking for I am sure I can help you locate it.

I'm looking for a... oh never mind, Wesley, we have to talk, 

yes of course,

upstairs.

Wesley followed him out of the kitchen which in truth would have been a health hazard had any of the mess been made up of foodstuffs, but it was mostly books, weapons and the odd candy bar wrapper.

Once in his office Angel filled Wesley in on the meeting that was to take place the next afternoon.

Well, should Cordelia be around for that Wesley asked, perhaps I should take her to my place, or a hotel.

I already thought of that Wes, but she won't hear of it, she's well, she's got a vested interest in this herself. Wesley stared at him, you mean because of wolfram and Hart.

Angel sighed, I mean because of her husband, and with that he gave a brief description of the encounter with Cordelia in her room. He left Wesley with the gist of her love for her husband, without getting into her addiction issues, he would tackle them as soon as this meeting was out of the way, in the meantime he had every intention of keeping an eye on Cordelia and ensuring she didn't go overboard with her means of escape.

Wesley sat across from Angel's desk, head in his hands, she is still in love with him, good god, what has this man done to her. 

He's destroyed her Wesley, or at least come close. She considers herself, unimportant, disposable, useless, she can't understand how valuable she really is, and no matter how many times we tell her, she just doesn't want to believe it.

They both had sad looks on their faces when they made their way back down to Angel's apartment. Cordelia was nowhere to be found, and Angel began to panic, 'til he heard the water running in the bathroom, when she emerged he hugged her as if he hadn't seen her in years.

Cordelia was unprepared for his strong show of affection, it knocked the wind out of her, both physically and emotionally. It had been so long since someone, anyone had hugged her, held her, and here she was being held by someone who made it a point not to make emotional attachments. All of this sped through her mind in moments. The next thing she was aware of was how unbelievably painful this was. Angel had been careful all those other times, and for some reason this time he had forgotten and he was crushing her broken rib against his chest.

Angel was panicked when she wasn't in her room, or the living room or the kitchen, he thought she might have snuck out, gone back to Greg, or passed out on the ground on her way somewhere, so when he heard the water running the relief that washed over him was tangible. When Cordelia came out of the bathroom he didn't see the bruises that flawed her perfect skin, or the frailty only slightly hidden by the loose clothing, he only saw Cordelia, safe, and before he could think about it he was hugging her to him, holding her against him as if he might never allow her to go.

He finally came to his senses when he heard her yell his name.

Angel, great, you are happy to see me after a whole, wow, has it been fifteen minutes already, but uh, I can't breathe here.

He let her go, backing away embarrassedly, I um, thought you might have left, he explained, I was just relieved to see you safe.

She smiled, I'm here, safe, see, so um, okay, I'll be right back.

With that Angel fell back into his protective mode.

Cordelia, why don't you come sit here, we can watch TV or something. 

Um, great, in a minute okay.

Cordelia don't please.

Angel, what are you talking about? Cordelia asked, trying to put an innocent laugh into her voice, but failing.

You know what I am talking about, you don't need another one, you just took some. I'm sorry I hurt you, so sorry just please don't.

Angel, you think that just because I am going into my room I am planning on taking another pill, please, I just wanted to get a, um, my, uh, thing.

Angel looked at her, Cordelia.

Angel, look you couldn't understand this,

oh I couldn't Angel asked, the need and desire for a substance that you know is bad in the long run, I couldn't understand that?

Cordelia looked at him, okay so maybe you could understand it, but it's not like that, I mean I'm not hurting anybody.

You're hurting yourself Cordelia.

Cordelia stared at the hardwood floor and said nothing, hurting herself was not an issue for her, why should it be for him.

Angel, it's no big deal she said quietly, tears in her voice.

Then don't do it Angel said.

Fine she said and she curled herself into a ball on the chair, she just didn't know if she could sit anywhere near him without it turning into a tearful sob scene again, so instead she turned on some inane sitcom and pretended to watch, in fact she was lost in thought.

Angel pretended to watch the stupid show she had put on but in fact his attention never left her. He glanced over constantly to make sure that she was okay, he didn't know what he expected, but so far every time he had thought they were over the worst of it some new problem reared its ugly head, he had a feeling that it would be a long time until he felt secure in her safety. 

Wesley came in from cleaning the kitchen to find them both watching his least favorite show on television. Does anyone mind if I change the channel he asked.

There was no answer from either of them.

Well then I guess I will just go ahead and change it then, Wesley was amused, Cordelia kept casting glances from her knee to Angel and back to her knees again, while Angel's glances went from a spot somewhere above the TV to Cordelia and back again. If it weren't so sweet it would be kind of funny. Wesley found his favorite television show, a silly story about vampire hunters who when to high school, really just childish, but he found it so amusing he was riveted to it. 

Angel and Cordelia continued their little game while Wesley settled down with a soda and an absolutely insipid plot about some boy who cast a spell to make himself the most popular man in the world, it was really silly.

Hours later Cordelia still hadn't spoken to Angel , she got up. I'm going to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow. Yeah Angel said good idea.

I'll be back first thing then Wesley added, and headed toward his own apartment.

Once Cordelia was in her own room she washed down a couple of valium with vodka and curled into bed, still fully clothed. It would be a while she mused ',til she felt completely safe and the thin layer of cotton somehow made it a little easier. She stared at the wall and concentrated on the meeting tomorrow, what it could mean, and whether she would have an opportunity to talk to Greg alone, her mind went in similar circles until her eyes closed and she fell into a drug induced sleep.

Angel crept into her room quietly, he had been laying in bed but his thoughts continued to race, he felt better on the stool across from her bed, he felt better when he could keep an eye on her. I will leave before she wakes up, he promised himself. 

Cordelia awoke to find Angel sitting across the bed from her, it was somehow comforting and disconcerting at the same time. She glanced at the watch on her wrist, god, noon, the meeting was in an hour.

She sat up and smiled a little embarrassed, I guess I slept late.

You were asleep for a long time, he said.

I'm tired lately.

I can imagine he said. 

Well, we, you she corrected herself, you have a lot to do, so I'll just take a shower and wait. She looked at him expectantly.

Cordelia, I haven't changed my mind, you will not be at this meeting, but I will let you know everything as soon as I have it all worked out. Okay?

Okay.

With that Cordelia threw her legs over the side of the bed. Angel, a little privacy please. Sure, as soon as you take your medication I'll go.

You can go before that.

No, I can't. I've given this a lot of thought, and from now on, I'm gonna hold those bottles, Cordelia, I know you don't care if you hurt yourself, but I do, and that's gonna have to be enough for now. 

Angel, you don't...

I do, so, take what you think you need this morning, and then give me the bag, it will be safe. 

You will be safe.

She bowed her head, she had no intention of letting him have all of her pills but she would let him think he had them, at least until the meeting was over, after that, things would change.

Angel watched her swallow a couple of pills, when she took the vodka bottle to wash them down he touched her arm, and lowered it away from her face. He handed her a glass of water, and took to bottle from her. she frowned but followed his wordless direction.

Angel took her bag and locked it in the weapons cabinet, and then went upstairs to be there to greet his "guests". 

Wesley was already in the office, making coffee and laying out donuts. Wes, this is not a social occasion.

Well Angel, I don't like these men any more than you do, but that is absolutely no reason to be rude.

Angel smiled, British etiquette would be a mystery to him no matter how long he existed. 

Greg and Lindsay came in together, promptly at one. there was a strained silence as they each took a seat in front of Angel's desk. Angel chose to stand. Wesley perched himself on the edge of the desk, and started the conversation with offers of coffee and crullers.

Cordelia herd the door in the back open and she quickly sighed for the case of liquor she had ordered yesterday, she stored it under her bed. God bless Wesley and his dustruffle, she thought to herself.

Once that small bit of business was taken care of she did a quick check of her makeup, most of the bruises were hidden, and only the most obvious left blotchy areas under the healthy glow of her foundation.

She walked upstairs and steeled herself for the confrontation she knew was coming.

What do you want? Angel began.

Lindsay spoke, we want to make a deal with you.

I am not in the habit of making deals with demons, Angel said.

Hey, hey, Greg cut in neither of us are demons, we're all just people here. 

Angel looked at him, was it possible that Greg still didn't know what he was? 

Angel was silent for a moment, and then a moment longer when he saw Cordelia entered the office.

Cordelia, Angel said, good to see you, why don't you go back downstairs and I'll be there in a few minutes.

Actually Lindsay cut in, this is just as much about her as it is about you, why doesn't she stay.

Cordelia smiled and sat on a chair in the corner of the room, arms around her legs, if anything in a smaller ball than Angel had ever seen her. it's as if she's trying to disappear he thought, and he realized how strong she really was. There was no doubt in her mind that she was positively panicked at the moment, but she wanted to be here and she stood her ground.

Angel sighed.

Lindsay was about to begin to talk when Greg approached Cordelia.

Angel moved to block his access, Greg skirted him and knelt in front of Cordelia.

Angel decided that now was not the time to start a fight, but he watched warily, every muscle coiled for action at the first sign that Greg might have intentions of doing anything more than speaking to his friend.

Oh god Cordelia, Greg said with a broken voice, it was almost a sob, little more than a whisper, I am so sorry. It's not your fault Cordelia said back in a small voice. 

Angel wanted to contradict this simple statement that said so much about how hurt Cordelia really was, psychologically, but he held his tongue for the moment.

It won't happen again, Greg said, I promise, never again.

He reached to brush her hair away from her face, and she cringed, pulling her head back away from him quickly.

Angel broke in right there.

That's enough of the tearful reunion, why don't you tell me what you want so I can say no and you can get out of my office.

Lindsay took center stage again, Angel, I don't think you're going to be so inclined to say no once you hear my offer.

You see, we, Wolfram and Hart that is, have had our eye on Greg for awhile, since the wedding actually, but not because of any special interest he might hold for us, it was more about his wife.

Me Cordelia asked?

Her Greg said, what would you want with her.

Angel could hear Greg's disdain for his wife in his voice, he wanted to throttle him, to scream at him, to list every important and amazing quality Cordelia possessed, all of those qualities he had so systematically tried to crush, but again he chose to just hold his tongue.

You see Lindsay continued, Cordelia has a special gift, one that is of particular interest and use to us at Wolfram and Hart, and we intend to use it.

Greg looked confusedly at Lindsay.

Cordelia began to protest, but I don't have anything.

You are a seer, Lindsay said.

No, Cordelia replied, not for years.

Yes, but you have the power, the Powers That Be gave it to you, and we have certain shaman and mystics who could retrieve that power for you.

Angel broke in at this point. This power of hers, it's to help the helpless, why does wolfram and Hart want it, I can't imagine they are changing sides at this late point in the game.

No Lindsay said, we, you and I, are actually on the same side Angel, when it comes to this proposition. You see, Cordelia will get her abilities back, with a slightly different angle, she will be able to locate certain demons for us, a useful tool that some of our clients would like us to have. Anyway, the part where you come in is this, should Cordelia see any of these demons opening a hell mouth, or trying to oh say, raise Alcatha and have the world sucked into hell, he raised his eyebrows meaningfully, you would be notified. 

While Wolfram and Hart is very interested in locating demons and the like, we have a strong desire to keep the world from Armageddon, and that, is where you will help us.

Angel pondered the implications of all that Lindsay had said. Why, he asked, wouldn't I just find out from Cordelia where the demons you are trying to locate are, and destroy them? 

Because then we would destroy Cordelia.

I won't allow that to happen Angel said.

You won't have a choice Lindsay replied. You will recall that a demon opened her mind to all the pain at once several years ago, we could do that again, with no escape clause this time, but, we wouldn't want that if you keep your part of the bargain. What I am proposing here is a truce Angel.

What you are proposing is a hostage situation Angel replied.

Greg chose this moment to express his complete confusion. What are the two of you talking about? Demons, Armageddon, what is all of this?

Angel looked at Lindsay, you don't fill your lackeys in on anything do you.

This agreement is being structured on a need to know basis Lindsay replied.

Angel glanced at Cordelia, she was shaking, holding herself tightly to try to hide it but she was obviously thrown.

Wesley, Angel said, take Cordelia downstairs.

I'm staying she said in a small voice.

I'm staying she said, this time her voice a little stronger, the two of you will not bargain over the use of my head without me here. 

Angel sighed, she was right, but he was worried, he approached her, Greg tried to stop him but he shouldered past the smaller man.

Cordelia he said, I won't let this happen, don't worry, just go down stairs with Wesley...please.

Cordelia shook her head,

Angel turned around and announced, this meeting is over, the answer is no.

Then how will you know when the end of days is coming Lindsay asked?

Angel stopped dead in his tracks, what are you talking about.

It is soon, Wolfram and Hart have heard rumors and we have reason to believe that it is immanent, that is why we had to step up our efforts to locate and obtain the uses of the seer.

I believe Lindsay said quietly, and menacingly, that the end of days has particularly bad implications for the vampire with a soul and his little slayer friend, did I get it wrong.

Angel sat down, visibly shaken. Lindsay had not gotten it wrong, both Wesley and Giles had been studying the foretold armies of hell for years now, and the only thing they knew for sure was that he, and Buffy were implicated in the ritual in some way. 

Surely you would like all the information you could get on the subject, Lindsay added, we could arrange that.

Not at the cost of Cordelia Angel said.

Not at any cost, Lindsay asked?

Cordelia looked up, Angel, would it save your life?

Cordelia, it doesn't matter, Buffy and I, Wesley, Giles, all of us, we know a lot about this, we will stop it.

But I could help.

No Angel said, come on, one of your headaches might kill you now, he replied, only half jokingly.

Angel, if I died saving the world, my life would mean something right?

Cordelia, he said kneeling in front of her, your life already means something. 

But this, this is the kind of sacrifice Doyle would make, Doyle did make.

No Cordelia, this is not the answer.

Yes it is Cordelia, Greg interrupted. This is our answer to everything, the money problems, the, well all or our problems would be solved, Wolfram and Hart are inclined to be very generous, they have made us an excellent offer, we can move, to a bigger house, live better, not have the same kind of worries we had before.

Angel looked at Cordelia who seemed to be buying what Greg was saying.

Cordelia you can't do this, this is not the solution.

Cordelia sighed. I'm really tired, I'm going downstairs. Lindsay, you will have my answer in the morning.

I can't wait to hear from you he smirked, and with that he turned and left the office. 

Cordelia, Greg said, please don't go, come home with me, we can talk about this, make the decision together. We can sit, and have a drink and talk, just like when we were first married, come with me please. 

Cordelia wanted to, more than anything she wanted to just go home to Greg, to her life before, but she knew Angel would drag her kicking and screaming out of there, or worse, he might give up on her and not. Either way she couldn't just walk out on him now.

Greg, come back tomorrow, we can talk, here, I can explain a lot of things I probably should have told you before.

Explain what Greg asked, his voice lowering menacingly, what can you explain tomorrow that you can't tell me right now?

Greg, I am really tired, and in truth she was.

Greg grabbed her arm, don't walk away from me.

Angel grabbed Greg's arm, let go of her he said.

She's my wife, or can't you remember that she made her choice, she chose me, not you.

We all make mistakes Angel said. That doesn't mean that we have to pay for them forever.

Greg looked at Cordelia, is that what I am to you, a mistake.

Tears were streaming down Cordelia's face, not just from the pain of Greg's grip, he thumb had landed purposefully in the burn on her arm, digging into it, taking all of her strength not to cry out, but from the emotions that were colliding against each other.

She loved Greg, but she loved Angel, and the safety he provided. She was so confused she just ran out of the room, crying I'm sorry, but she honestly could not have told anyone in that room just who or what she was apologizing for.

Wesley followed Cordelia to the apartment, Angel helped Greg to the door with a harsh shove and was there just a few minutes later.

Cordelia was nowhere to be seen.

She's in her bedroom Angel, she just wants to be alone she said, she is very confused.

Yeah Angel said, me too.

What do you think Lindsay knows about the end of days.

I don't know Wesley said, probably no more than you or I do, we have been researching it rather exhaustively.

I don't believe his bluff Angel said, it's my guess he is using that as bait, he wants Cordelia, and there is no way he is out for the greater good.

Good god Angel, do you realize what would happen if they did have access to Cordelia's gifts? It would be catastrophic, a corporation of that size and resource, with the knowledge of future events, there is no good to be seen there.

I hope Cordelia sees that.

The promise of helping you, that is the part she seemed to latch onto.

I don't need her help.

Cordelia had heard enough, listening at the door had gotten her more than she had bargained for. Catastrophic, her gifts could cause catastrophe? She knew what she had to do, she fished one of the bottles of vodka from under the bed and removed from under her pillow the one bottle she had been able to keep away from Angel, it was seventy five seconal, an old prescription from a previous hospital visit, with a minor adjustment in prescription. She swallowed all of them with the vodka, it took her several gulps, and a few times she was sure she was going to throw up, but she told herself, this is the one way to help everyone, she would be out of everyone's way, and there was no chance wolfram and hart could use her gifts to their own evil purpose. Angel didn't need her help, that was true, but he also didn't need to be worrying about her all the time. She held back the bile as she took a last swig of the clear liquid that burned down her throat.

Cordelia lay back on the bed, she felt warm and relaxed, and could feel the effects of the drug working through her system, she fell asleep above the covers, on her back, a small smile on her face.

Wesley and Angel were still talking in the living room.

I didn't mean it like that Angel said, I don't need her help so badly I am willing to let her risk her life for it.

I understand Angel.

God, what a scene he said, sitting down, has it only been three days since I picked her up, it feels like years.

Angel, you are doing all you can.

I need to talk to her.

give her some time Angel, she needs to calm down. Everyone needs a little time to themselves.

Yeah, I know, you're right.

He sat for ten minutes, fidgeting, then he paced for another three.

Well, that should be enough time he said and knocked on her door, 

no answer.

He peeked in, she was asleep, he sat on the stool across from her bed.

It was a familiar position for him but something struck him as strange.

He realized it was her position, rather than being curled under the covers she was sprawled across the bed on her back, he stood up to arrange the covers over her when he spied the vodka bottle on the floor. 

He went to pick it up an spied the case under the bed, he was annoyed but imagined he shouldn't be surprised, when he pulled the case out, figuring he would lock it in the weapons cabinet with the rest of her pills, he heard a rattle and saw a brown pharmacy bottle skitter across the floor, apparently knocked from it's previous location by the box of liquor. He fished under the bed for the bottle and as soon as he saw it, open and empty he panicked.

Cordelia he said, 

Cordelia, louder this time.

Now he was yelling, hitting her face lightly, moving her arms, trying to elicit any type of response. He put his hand to her mouth and felt a soft warm breath, she was still alive.

Wesley he yelled, call an ambulance, never mind, just call the hospital tell them I am coming and with that he scooped her small frame into his arms and took of at a breakneck speed through the sewers.

He arrived in the basement of the hospital just 7 minutes later, and made his way through the morgue where an orderly apparently believed him to be stealing a body, hey, buddy he yelled, you got to leave her here.

Angel ignored him, hearing nothing but the shallow sound of her breathing which was the only thing he could concentrate on at the moment, as long as that didn't stop it would all be okay he kept telling himself.

He flew into the emergency room just a few moments later, yelling for anyone to help him. He quickly told the doctor what he had found. They took Cordelia from him, and rushed her to a closed room, they would not allow him to observe. 

He paced,

then he sat for a moment but couldn't keep still

he paced some more

then he sat,

Wesley found him on his third bout of pacing.

Is she, will she, 

I don't know Angel said, oh god, why did I leave her alone, why did she do this?

I should have done something, I shouldn't have let her be at that meeting, I should have insisted...

the doctor came out, it was the same doctor who had seen her just a few days before for her injuries.

I had to pump her stomach he said. I don't know how many she took, but a lot of them were still undigested, she's really very lucky to have friends like you.

Yeah right, Angel said, lucky.

Well, the doctor added, she is in stable condition, but she hasn't woken up yet, she is heavily sedated, her doing, not ours, it will probably be hours before she comes to, the two of you should probably go home, get some sleep and come back tomorrow.

What room is she in Angel asked?

Um, 16 the doctor said, but she won't be up for hours, he called after the two men with resolute faces who made their way to room sixteen.

Angel took a seat on one side of her and Wesley on the other. Her wrists and legs were strapped to the bed.

A nurse came in and Angel said, take these things off of her.

I can't the nurse said, she tried to hurt herself, we can't risk her doing it again.

She won't Angel said, don't worry.

The nurse just looked at him, you the boyfriend.

No, no, Angel said, I'm family.

The nurse just nodded and changed the iv and then left the two men to their thoughts.

Angel looked at the restraints, I should take them off of her.

Angel, if she tries to run, this might be more effective, 

you might be right, I just can't stand seeing her like, this, why did she do it wes?

I don't know Angel, I couldn't begin to imagine what she has been through, I wish I could help. 

Christ, I should have seen this coming.

Angel, If anyone is at fault here, I am, she smiled and told me she was going to her room to get some rest, and I just let her go. 

Wesley, you had no way of knowing,

nor, I might add did you Angel.

Angel's head was bowed over her hand, he held it tight and talked to her.

Cordelia, you are the best person I have ever known, I need you, I never knew how I needed you, or how I missed you until you came back to me, don't leave me now, please don't leave me now.

He held her hand like that all night, he did not doze off, and the only time he raised his head was to check her eyes for any signs of awakening.

He didn't see any. Twelve hours later Wesley had drank seven cups of abominable coffee and had not yet convinced Angel to leave her side. 

Angel, you really must go eat something, 

I'm not leaving til she wakes up.

Angel, 

Wesley, I'm not going.

He's right Cordelia said, go home.

Cordelia, Angel said, standing up to gaze into her eyes, his voice broke as he cried a tear when he spoke her name.

What are you doing here she asked.

I um, I didn't want to leave he said.

Angel, why?

Why didn't I want to leave he asked, confused.

No why did you save me, now we are all in danger again.

Danger, Angel asked, I think I just saved you from danger, he was wondering if she might have brain damage.

Angel, I'm tired so listen closely, Wolfram and Hart cannot use my head to rule the world if I am dead, I have to be dead to save us all, and besides, she said, lowering her eyes, it's more convenient for everyone.

Convenient, Angel said, now he was angry, you did this for the sake of convenience? Cordelia, there is nothing less CONVENIENT to me than a world without you, and if you think I would let Wolfram and Hart get anywhere near you then you must not understand just how important you are. Cordelia, when are you going to get it through your head that I need you.

You said you didn't she said quietly.

When, before you're wedding, I thought we were gonna forget all about that.

No she said, before, um, what time is it, yesterday I guess it was.

Angel suddenly recalled the conversations with Wesley.

Oh god, you heard that?

I heard that she said.

Cordelia, you didn't listen to the rest, I said I didn't need your help so badly I was willing or wrist your safety for it.

Oh,

oh.

Angel

yes Cordelia,

can you untie my wrists now?

Why?

So I can hug you.

He smiled and with that he broke the restraints and held her against his chest.

Wesley was gratified to see the two of them getting along again.

Ahem, he coughed. We still have a lot to consider and decide regarding yesterday.

It can wait, Angel said, Cordelia was asleep again and he lay her head back on the pillow.

Angel resumed his position next to her with her small hand held between his two large ones.

It will have to wait.

The end part three, part four is in the works 6/10/00

oh, have I mentioned how much I crave feedback?

Review this story, it will make me happy. 

Broken Part 4

Cordelia awoke several hours later, the effects of the drugs were beginning to wear off but she still felt glued to the hospital bed. At some point someone had changed her into a hospital gown, and Angel reflected, she looked even smaller and more frail somehow, but he still refused to leave her bedside.

They were sitting in comfortable silence, trying to ignore the fact that there were so many issues they had yet to deal with, it was almost working when an older man in a doctors coat and a hospital chart came in.

Are you the psych consult he asked.

Her name is Cordelia, Angel responded for her.

he glanced at his chart, attempted suicide?

Um, Cordelia sat up and stared at her hands, I guess that's me.

I'll need you to leave now sir, the doctor said.

I'm family Angel answered.

That may be, but this is between the consult and myself.

She is not a psych consult Angel said, she is a person, a good person.

Yes of course, but the fact remains that this consultation must take place in privacy.

I'm okay now Cordelia said quietly, picking at the blanket that covered her lap, I'm fine really I just need to go home.

That's for me to decide the doctor said, now sir, he glared at Angel, if you will give us some privacy.

Angel walked out of the room, but not before he saw Cordelia curl herself up into the now habitual position of arms around her legs, head resting on her knees, he knew she was scared.

I'll be right outside he said.

Sir, if you could go wait in the lounge that would be best, the patient really needs to feel safe.

Um, it's okay Angel, I'll be okay.

Cordelia wanted to scream at the pretentious doctor, did he think for a minute that Angel being farther away would make her feel safe, the only time she'd felt safe in the past two years was the past three days she had spent back with him. She said nothing.

So, what was so bad that you though killing yourself was the only answer the doctor asked sharply.

Cordelia couldn't hold back a laugh, she imagined telling the doctor the truth, my husband beats me, but that's not the problem, my best, and maybe only friend is a vampire, but that's not the problem, an evil firm of lawyers wants to use my head to divine information regarding the whereabouts of demons, and that IS the problem. No, the truth would not work here.

It all seemed hopeless she said quietly.

Hopeless, the Dr. Said.

Yeah, but it's okay now, Angel talked to me.

Angel, does he have anything to do with this rather long history of accidents you have, or perhaps with the black eye you are sporting the doctor asked, raising an eyebrow.

Only in the sense that he made me leave the guy who was hurting me, she replied.

Made you, he asked.

Well, convinced me to.

I see, and you were so grateful that you washed down a bottle of secanol with vodka?

It's a little more complicated than that. I um, didn't want to be a burden to him.

And he made you feel as if you were a burden?

No, no, not at all, he made me feel um....safe, she said again staring at her hands.

And you need him to feel safe?

Well, I guess but it really is kinda complicated, but it's okay now, we talked and I'm fine see, not crazy or suicidal or anything.

Hmm, the doctor said, writing something in her chart.

And when was the last time you tried something like this?

no, never, I've never tried this before.

So it's just recently, since you've been with, Angel is it, that these feelings of worthlessness and suicide have come to you?

You're getting it all wrong, she said, it's not like that, we had a meeting this morning, well yesterday, time is kinda a blur at the moment, with me and Angel and my ex, and well, um, well, us and it went badly.

I see you getting very worked up he replied, obviously not listening to her, why don't we try some relaxation techniques.

I'm actually very relaxed, kinda sleepy she yawned, can we be finished now?

Just give it a try, for me, he asked cajolingly.

Okay she said, turning on her 100 watt smile, ignoring the pain it caused on her split lip, hoping this routine would work better on getting rid of the doctor then it ever had in getting Angel off her back.

With that he smiled and pulled up a rolling stool, now, if you'll just close your eyes and repeat after me, and with that the doctor closed his eyes and began a nonsensical chant. Cordelia held back her laughter and followed his lead, 

good he said very good, now continue, they began chanting together.

Cordelia began to feel a little more relaxed when a loud crash broke her out of her fledgling reverie.

she opened her eyes to see Angel at the door, a tray of medical instruments strewn all over the floor. The doctor looked up startled.

Cordelia, Angel said. Cordelia, are you okay?

She stared at him blankly. The doctor and I were practicing relaxation techniques.

Oh, Angel looked slightly embarrassed, I um heard the chanting I thought he might be from, um, he glanced meaningfully, Lindsay's office.

She smiled, I'm fine Angel, why don't you go get something to eat, this time it was her who was doing the meaningful look thing, I'm SURE they have something around here that you can stomach.

Angel almost smiled, true to old form Cordelia was more worried about him than she was about herself. Yeah, I'll do that, wes just got here, he'll be outside the door if you need anything, anything at all, and I'll be back soon.

The doctor took in the entire encounter but was not sure what to make of it. There was definitely an undercurrent of tension between the two, but was this tall and brooding man trying to control her, or intimidate her to keep her from talking, or was he just concerned, he was not yet sure.

Cordelia, I am going to put you on Paxil, it's a relatively new antidepressant, and I would like to monitor your progress so we are going to keep you here for a few days longer. There are a couple of groups I would like you to attend as well.

Are you admitting me as a Psychiatric patient she asked.

Well he said, technically yes, but only for a few days.

You can't do that she said, getting slightly hysterical, I can't stay here, I need to go home.

And where is home the doctor asked.

Back to Angel's she said without thinking, I will be fine there, I will take whatever medication you give me, but I can't stay here. She began to panic, the security here was less than ideal, she would never be able to sleep knowing that Greg or Wolfram and Hart could get to her at any minute, and she was pretty sure that they didn't let people sleep outside a psych patients door.

I am not crazy she said.

No-one is implying that you are Ms. Brighton.

It's Chase-Brighton she said absently.

Yes of course, may I call you Cordelia,

yeah sure, whatever, you can also call me a cab, I am outta her.

Cordelia, Ms Chase-Brighton, I can and will commit you if you do not go voluntarily. You made a very serious attempt on your life last night, and I cannot risk it happening again.

But it won't she said plaintively, you have my word.

I am afraid that is not good enough under the circumstances. If all goes well it will only be for a few days.

I will make a deal with you she said.

Yes, he responded, he was not in the habit of making deals with patients but if it would calm her down he would hear her out.

I will go to your groups, and take your pills, and do whatever you say as long as you don't put me in the psych ward. Leave me here in a room where I can have visitors and everything else will be your call.

The doctor seemed to consider it for a moment, the paperwork to commit her was mountainous, and he could always convince her later, after she had seen the unit that she would be safe there, in the meantime, he could require checks on her every half hour here. He reluctantly agreed.

Angel returned to find Wesley pacing in front of her room.

Do you think she told the psychiatrist the truth he asked?

No, Angel said, Cordelia isn't stupid.

Well, I didn't think so either, but after what she tried...

Angel cut him off, she was desperate, not stupid, give her a little credit wes, she's gonna be okay.

Yes yes of course, I was just wondering what the doctor was going to do I mean if she were to tell him...

Wesley stopped his sentence short as the doctor came out, studying the chart in his hands.

He looked up, she will be with us for a few more days and then you can take her home, in the meantime, for her sake, please try not to distress her, she is in a very fragile state.

Angel almost laughed at that. He wondered if the doctor had any idea how fragile her state really was, or how strong she really was. He simply nodded, glanced at Wesley and the two of them entered her room.

Well, Angel asked?

He's putting me on pills, that's ironic or something right, Angel almost smiled.

Angel they wanted to lock me up in the psych ward. I told them I would stay...voluntarily, for a couple more days as long as they let me stay in a normal room. Angel, I don't know what to say, you've already done so much, but could you or Wesley stay for awhile.

Cordelia, Angel said, we will stay for as long as you are here, there are, well...

Angel recalled what the doctor had said and decided not to bring up the issue of Wolfram and Hart at the moment.

I know Cordelia said, the bad guys could come and get me, good thing I didn't tell the Doc that huh, I'd be put away for longer than a couple of days.

Some people just don't know what's out there.

But I do, we do.

Yes, Wesley said, but we have a plan, and the knowledge to keep you safe.

You have a plan Cordelia asked?

I was getting to that Angel said, it starts with this, and he handed her a piece of leather tied around a bag that smelled like lavender and matches.

What is this?

I called Willow, she overnighted it to me, it's a talisman for safety, she put a spell on it, it should be able to keep you safe.

But, 

Cordelia don't worry we're not going anywhere, It's just added protection.

No I was going to say it clashes with my hospital gown.

Angel smiled, good to have you back he said.

Speaking of my back, Cordelia said, could you get me a pair of pajamas or something, this gown leaves a lot to be desired in fashion and even more to be desired in comfort, for the love of god, my entire back is exposed, and for those of us with a heartbeat, it's cold.

Angel looked at her, she was getting her sense of humor back, the healing was beginning. 

No problem he said, I'll get you something a little more you to wear.

Thanks she said smiling.

Did you eat yet Angel said, glancing over at a covered tray.

She wrinkled her nose, hospital food, I don't think so. Wes will bring you some food then too, what do you want?

Nothing she said, I'm not hungry.

Cordelia, I think that yogurt was the last thing you ate, you have to eat something.

I will when I can, but I can't right now.

Fine wes, bring her something that will keep, in the meantime I'll keep an eye on her.

Cordelia smiled. Quietly she said, thank you.

You don't have to thank me Angel said, 

yes I do Angel, you saved my life. If it hadn't been for you...

you wouldn't have been at the meeting, and none of this would have happened. 

No Angel, this isn't the first time I've thought about it. If it hadn't been for you, I probably would have tried it anyway, or worse, Wolfram and Hart would have convinced me I was doing good.

Cordelia Angel said, his cool hand holding her warm one, 

Angel I'm tired now, I'm gonna go to sleep, okay.

Yeah sure he said in a soft voice and he let go of her hand but rested his next to hers on the bed, allowing his thumb to brush over the back of her hand periodically.

This is the position the Lindsay found them in several hours later. 

Angel heard the click of the hospital door and glanced towards it expecting to see Wesley, he stood immediately when he saw who it was.

You're not welcome here he said.

Hey, Angel, come on, I just wanted to talk to our little patient.

Angel walked menacingly towards the smaller man, get out.

Angel, I have as much right as you do to be here, I mean, neither one of us is actually family now are they?

You told them you were family?

No, no a family friend, and I am now, aren't I.

You're nobody's friend.

Angel, you are not giving me a chance, I could be your friend, I can give her, he said, gesturing toward Cordelia, her powers back, you could have contact with the Powers That Be again.

Angel's blank stare revealed nothing, if Lindsay believed that he no longer got any messages from the powers that be, Angel certainly wasn't going to be the one to correct him.

Lindsay get out of here, before I call security. 

Hey, I was just leaving, I just wanted to deliver these flowers personally, they're from her husband.

He's not welcome here either Angel said.

We'll talk Lindsay said, sauntering out of the room, leaving the flowers on the tray next to Cordelia's untouched meal.

Can I see the card Cordelia asked.

Cordelia, I didn't know you were awake.

She was curled up again, Angel now knew enough to know that this is what she did when the world seemed to much for her. you don't need to see the card.

I want to.

It probably doesn't say anything.

I want to.

Cordelia, it's not going to help anything.

I want to.

He handed her the card and she opened it with trembling fingers. She stared at it for a moment and then the tears came. Angel stepped forward, prepared to comfort her, to hold her, but she wouldn't let him, she curled up on her side, clutching the card to her chest, crying silently, the sobs wracking her entire body, he could count her vertebrae, due to the revealing nature of the hospital gown, he was again startled at how thin she had gotten. The sobs seemed to go all the way through her, her entire body given over to a grief Angel couldn't fix. He stood there next to her, helplessly trying to comfort her but each time he reached a hand to touch her hair, or her shoulder she shrugged him away, and continued her strangely silent, but powerful show of pain. Angel swore again that he would never make the mistake of letting her be hurt, but he was beginning to realize that the pain was a part of her now, and he couldn't stop it, not yet, there would be things, seemingly simple things like a card on a bunch of flowers, that might set her off. Angel had never felt so helpless.

Wesley walked down the hospital corridor whistling to himself, all was improving, Cordelia was feeling better, Angel was beginning to face the human world again, and he himself was glad to see Cordy back. he had missed her. He was reflecting on how much he had missed her when he saw Lindsay, a smirk on his face pass him in the hall. Lindsay nodded a greeting to him, but Wesley ignored it and hurried down the hallway to Cordelia's room. Thoughts raced through his head.

Had Angel been there when Lindsay had come, or had he gotten to Cordelia alone. Had Cordelia been awake? Perhaps Angel had handled it without Cordelia having to know. He sped past the nurse who was trying to tell him that visiting hours were almost over, but he ignored her and headed to Cordelia's room, he was not comforted by what he found.

Angel was brooding and standing over Cordelia's small frame, she was silent but her body was shaking violently, 

Angel, what happened, is she having convulsions, did Lindsay do something to her?

In a whisper, she's crying Wes, the flowers, he gestured with his head, they were from Greg, she insisted on reading the card, and I let her, it set her off, she's been like this for a half hour, she won't let me talk to her, won't let me touch her, won't let me help. She's hurting Wesley, and I don't know what to do.

Wesley was at a loss, but he tried to remain calm, a difficult thing to do when someone he cared about so dearly was in so much pain. Perhaps we should call a nurse, have her sedated, he asked?

I don't know Angel said, sitting now, head in hands, I just don't know.

No-one did, but that would not comfort Angel who had a need to be in control at all times.

Take me home she cried, her first words since she had read the card, Angel, just take me home.

He didn't need to be asked again, glad to finally have something concrete he could do to help he picked up her fragile frame, said, Wesley, you go and divert the nurses attention, I'll take her home through the tunnels and meet you there, and with that, he was off, Cordelia in arms, coat billowing behind him like the black cloud of emotions he was feeling, and he headed towards the safety of his apartment, home.

Cordelia clung to Angel, the card crumpled in her hand. She was upset with herself for letting a few simple words get to her, but she couldn't think about that now, all she could think about was the safety that Angel's apartment represented.

Once they got to the sewer entrance to his apartment he had to put her down so that she could climb up the ladder, he discretely turned his back so in order to give her some sense of decorum in the flimsy hospital gown she still wore.

He followed her into the kitchen where she immediately grabbed a kitchen knife.

Cordelia, he said, moving towards her quickly, afraid of what she was planning as she angled the knife towards her wrist. He was relived when she cut through the hospital wrist band and looked up at him, her big red rimmed eyes questioning his response.

Angel sighed, just put the knife down please. She did. Angel, I'm not going to hurt myself again, I think I've learned my lesson. With that she walked past him and into her room. Cordelia sat on the bed, the now limp and crumpled card still in her hand, the tears began again, silently. She felt as if they were being fed from a bottomless well of pain in her chest. She could not foresee a time when she would stop crying. The few words blurred before her eyes, and the ink smeared a little with her tears, but she couldn't tear her gaze away.

Angel knocked lightly and poked his head in, seeing her sitting there, body shaking with tears again he felt as useless as he had in the hospital. He sat on the bed next to her, and put his arm around her. he put his hand on the card tentatively to see if she would allow him to take it, to read it, to destroy it. She said nothing, she did not respond at all as he slipped the small florists card now damp with tears out of her hand and glanced at it. 

The message was short, Thank You for your help, a grateful client. It looked vaguely familiar to Angel, but the couldn't' place the sentiment, or the exact reason it had hit Cordelia so hard.

He placed the card on the bed next to him and held her to his chest until her tears ran out. She exhausted herself crying, each sob causing a now familiar throbbing pain around her broken rib, but the pain around her broken heart was worse. Eventually she cried herself to sleep resting against Angel's strong cool chest.

Wesley returned to the apartment to find Angel pacing, no surprise there, and Cordelia asleep, not a new situation either. He didn't ask questions this time, he was beyond caring about he specifics.

Angel, he started, she is in so much pain, we must stop them.

Who? Angel asked? Wolfram and Hart, he snorted his derisive laughter.

Well, um, yes, actually they must be stopped.

And then what Wesley, does her pain go away, I don't think this is something that a fight is going to solve.

No, no, of course not, but surely it is a start.

Angel seemed to consider this for a moment. Yes Wesley, you're right it is, and with that he threw on his black coat and headed out the door.

Wesley had no idea where exactly he was headed but he knew he had to stay with Cordelia, ensure her safety. He slipped a blade into his belt and took Angel's usual place on the stool across from her bed to watch over the small sleeping form. She cried in her sleep, and when he attempted to wake her or brush the hair from her face her reaction was involuntary and violent. He backed off and remained on the stool/

Angel had had enough of this sitting and waiting, enough of the cat and mouse games, and enough of trying to fight invisible personal demons of Cordelia's, it was time for some action.

He walked into the Wolfram and Hart building ignoring both the security personnel and the alarms, he headed up towards Lindsay's office where he locked the door behind him. Now it was only Angel and the snide young man who thought he had it all figured out. 

Angel didn't wait for him to say anything, he walked towards him menacingly, and Lindsay backed away, trying not to lose the cocksure look on his face, but Angel could smell his fear, and saw it in his eyes.

You're afraid of me, Angel said, it was a statement, not a question.

Well, Lindsay began.

No talk Angel said, and he grabbed his shirt and twisted the expensive material around his fist as he drew the shorter man up on his toes so that they were eye to eye.

Good, be afraid, because as of now, I am your worst enemy, wherever you go, and whatever you and your little lawyer minions try, I will be sure to stop it. Oh, and if you come near me, my staff, my friends again, you will be dead. With that he let go of Lindsay and headed towards the door.

Lindsay relived that there would be no violence from the enraged vampire gulped air to compensate for the asphyxiation he had almost suffered at Angel's hands. He was beginning to calm down a little when Angel turned back around and punched him squarely in the jaw. Lindsay fell backwards onto the floor and Angel picked him up again by the shirt and administered three left hooks in quick succession. He left the bloodied young man on the floor and walked out of the office, feeling a little better.

Greg stepped out from behind a hidden door in Lindsay's office. Geez, he asked, are you okay.

Yeah Lindsay said, wiping the blood from his nose as he stood up, I'm fine, it's all going as planned.

Planned? You planned for Angel to beat you up? 

Well, no but I knew he would come to me, he is getting desperate, he will do anything to protect the girl, and that gives us leverage.

But, you wouldn't really hurt Cordelia right, you promised me, I am only doing this for her, for us.

Yeah, I know Lindsay said, pulling out a fresh shirt from his desk drawer and using the old one to clean up his face at the wet bar. I'm not going to hurt her, he said, but Angel doesn't know that now does he?

Greg looked uneasy but said nothing.

By the time Angel returned to his apartment the few marks on his knuckles had healed completely, he was again his stoic self. Cordelia was sitting, in a pair of pajamas, hair wet, and hanging limply down her back, curled in a ball on the chair, across from the TV, she was staring blankly at a video from some lame artist. There was a half empty bottle of vodka next to the chair, Wesley was sitting on the couch, looking intently at the florists card.

Angel picked up the bottle and gave Cordelia a disapproving glance. She cast her head downwards apologetically and picked at an invisible piece of lint on her knee.

Angel, this card, Wesley said, we've received flowers and plants with this same message before.

Not we Cordelia cut in, still staring at her knees, me.

Both men looked at her.

when Greg and I were dating, before, well, before everything, he knew I didn't want you to know I was seeing anyone. I gave him some lame story about not being allowed to receive personal items or deliveries at work, so we had this code, Thank your for your help, meant I love you, and a grateful client. Well that was Greg. I'm sorry I broke down like that, it's just to see something that reminded me so much of when it was all good, and safe and fun, it just hurt.

Cordelia, you didn't have to hide him from me.

Angel, do you remember the overprotective thing you used to do.

Yeah, he said, and it was so unnecessary.

She looked up at him, I'm sorry, really sorry, please don't hate me, I won't lie to you anymore.

Cordelia what's past is past, there is no need to apologize, or to keep paying for mistakes you have made. It's over now.

But it isn't over, is it? I mean, we have to find a way to stop the end of days, and Greg, well, I don't know what I'm gonna do about him.

Angel looked at her questioningly, was she thinking of going back to him?

Angel, it's not about love anymore, not with me and Greg, but still, he's not so deep in it with Lindsay that he can't get out, get some help.

God, he thought, Cordelia was still trying to save the bastard.

No, he can probably still be saved, Angel said.

Right, Cordelia said, and I have a plan, about the Powers That Be, but it might require you to do something that, well, last time I checked, bothered you and never came out well.

Angel raised his eyebrows and waited.

I think we have to go back to the hellmouth, back to sunnydale.

Angel tried to keep his expression blank, but the words hit him like solid rock to the chest. He hadn't been back in over a year, had only seen Buffy once since then, but Cordelia was right, the resources, the hellmouth, the answers, a lot of them lay in sunnydale, not to mention that Wolfram and Hart would be very unlikely to find them there. Safety.

He nodded silently, fine, but not for a few days. Cordelia, you need to rest, and heal.

Okay she said.

Oh and Cordelia, 

yes Angel?

No more vodka, okay?

She smiled, I'll try. 

Feedback please.

Broken part Five, the final chapter

Disclaimer:I obviously did not create these characters. I obviously write this stuff myself, only a single twisted mind could deliver such trash.

Personal Disclaimer:I am a graduate student, I spend 90% of my time reading and proofreading important papers for my like, you know, um, future, so don't count on a lot of proofreading of my fanfics. As a matter of fact a good bet would be at least four spelling errors and an abominable lack of punctuation. 

Oh, also, I love feedback, the good, the bad, and the ugly, but mostly the good. :)

The next few days were spent locked in Angel's apartment. Wesley had stocked the 'fridge with enough food and blood to last for a month, and Angel just felt Cordelia was safer with no-one coming in or out. And so, for three days they did nothing but avoid painful subjects, which left them a lot of quiet time to themselves.

Wesley had been on the phone to Giles and final arrangements were being made so that the three of them could arrive in sunnydale without too much turmoil.

Sunnydale.

After graduation most people went their own way and lost track of highschool and college friends, but as nothing was normal for a slayer, neither was this. Buffy had passed her final finals, barely, and graduated with a degree in physical education, she was really good at gym. She had applied at a local gym to act as a swimming coach when her father had died of a sudden heart attack, the insurance money left to her was enough for her to buy a modest condo in the same complex as Giles, The rest, invested wisely kept her in designer fighting pants and microwave popcorn. She patrolled at night and researched the end of days during the day, she had had a few times when she had needed to travel in order to track down some information, and not being tied to a job was helpful. 

Buffy and Riley had broken up after sophomore year, he just didn't have a direction after the initiative was plowed under and playing sidekick to Buffy was just not the way he wanted it to go, they had kept in touch for a while but she hadn't heard from him in almost a year, she never thought about him anymore, and tried not to think about the wild phase she had gone through after the breakup. She wasn't seeing anyone at the moment, and that was fine with her.

Xander had done a little creative financing two years ago, registering for a single class and then applying for full student loans, with the money he bought the Magik Shoppe, and ran it surprisingly competently, it was convenient to be able to tag who was buying what on the hellmouth, spellwise that is, and Buffy had a key, which kept her from having to break in the door on a weekly basis. He lived on the second floor apartment above the store, and was in constant touch with the gang. He was lonely since Anya had left, but Willow lived in the third floor apartment, so not too lonely.

Anya and Tara had found something together that neither had found with their previous partners, they moved to new York together last spring, right after Tara graduated, Willow had been upset, but not as thrown by it as Xander, losing his girlfriend to a girl had been a blow to his ego.

Willow ran the Magik Shoppe web sight; she had finally found a way to incorporate her love of the black arts, still not too black, with her computer genius. The websight was extremely profitable and gave the gang and even wider base of listings of those who might be drawing on powers that shouldn't be messed with. There were certain items that could be ordered, but created a red flag, usually it was just an old mystic creating a little chaos, but a couple of times a minion of a demon at another hell mouth, at last count they had pinpointed six nationally and four more internationally, trying to open up the gates of hell literally, they stopped these activities, and were getting quite efficient at it.

The scoobies still saw each other often, Xander and Willow every day, and Buffy was almost always at Giles apartment when they came over, which was only a little less than daily, and so it was they were all sitting on Giles couch, grilling him about how he managed to make a fortune daytrading while still managing to despise computers, when the phone rang.

Giles was silent for a moment, and then murmured something they couldn't hear, after that he took the cordless and walked out of the room. The three of them looked at each other and wordlessly bounded after him, If Giles thought he deserved privacy, he was sadly mistaken.

Giles finished his conversation and turned to the three who had not changed much in appearance since he had first met them almost eight years ago.

Well, we are to have visitors he said. Great Xander replied, Olivia over the Wiggins and ready to try it again? They all looked at him, America I mean, not Giles.

Yes of course Xander, we all knew what you meant, he glanced pointedly at the two women daring them to say anything inappropriate. But no, actually Wesley is coming to town, with um, well, 

Angel's coming Buffy said quietly. His name, his face, his memory had never stopped affecting her, first love, man it just didn't go away she thought.

Wow Willow said, you can feel him coming, from LA that's powerful.

Buffy just looked at her, I can't feel him will, I can deduce him, Wesley is bringing a friend Giles doesn't want to tell me about it, well, that's Angel, the friend that dare not speak his name.

Xander glanced at Buffy, so Angel's coming, and you're single, and oh, yeah there's still the curse, so bummer right he said happily grabbing a donughts from a box on the desk and heading back to the couch.

Gee Xander your concern for our friend is overwhelming.

Hey why concern? Buffy asked, Angel is coming, it's been like forever and a day, it's cool.

Yes well, Giles said, he is also bringing Cordelia.

Willow looked confused, I thought Cordelia was married, I didn't think she worked for Angel anymore.

Yes she was or is, I suppose, it seems she is in some sort of danger and needs to get out of LA, the danger appears to be connected to the prophesy for the End of Days that we have all been working on, I believe that ironically enough the Hellmouth is the safest place for her right now.

Xander was standing up now, donughts forgotten. Cordy's in trouble? What kind of trouble he asked, can we help. Speaking of over ex's Willow mumbled.

Were we speaking of that? Buffy asked, cause I thought we were talking about Xander's desperate need for rejection and thus his attraction to Cordelia.

Well, it's kinda the same thing right Willow asked.

Geez just get Oz back in town and then we could all go to high school and get yelled at by Snyder, it's turning into old home week.

Buffy looked over at Willow and saw her downcast face, sorry will, I didn't mean...

oh, I know, just sometimes you know?

Yeah Buffy said laying a hand on her shoulder, I know.

So Wesley, Giles cut in, will be staying with me, but Angel and Cordelia...

they'll stay at my place Xander said quickly.

They all stared at him. I'll bunk with Will, Right? He asked.

Yeah sure of course that'll work, just get some blackout curtains, oh wait you have them, god Anya hated light in the morning, remember that.

Yeah, Xander said, yeah I do.

Fine Giles said, I'll just put in a call to Wesley, and tell him everything is squared away here, he is planning on coming tonight, they will leave after sundown.

All three of them smiled, the smile didn't reach a single eye, they were all lost in thoughts of the past, Willow could try but she was not sure she could ever forgive Cordelia's haughty attitude, and well, Buffy and Xander both had regrets regarding their imminent house-guests, but the End of Days was a big issue, and any help was appreciated.

Cordelia packed a few things into her bag, not much to pack she thought, funny, used to be stuff was all I cared about, well, almost all and now, well I guess things have changed. She still moved slowly, was still sore, but the pills helped, although not as much as if Angel would allow her to control her dosages herself. She couldn't blame him, after what had happened he was still nervous about her state of mind, and so, every six hours he appeared in front of her with a glass of water and two pills. She smiled, was grateful to him, but there were moments, many moments, when she would have tried to take on his vampire strength herself for a couple of extra painkillers, or a sedative even. She didn't talk about it. She tried not to think about it.

Angel and Wesley were waiting for her, their bags already in the car, mostly books and weapons.

What's taking her so long Wesley asked.

I don't know Angel said, she's been quiet lately.

Angel reflected on this. Since her return from the hospital she had taken to spending a lot of time curled up on her bed, or in a chair when he insisted that she come out and be among friends. He hated to see her isolating herself, and he knew that locking the three of them in his apartment wasn't exactly helping, but he wasn't sure what they would find in Sunnydale, and he wanted her a little stronger before they attempted her plan, which to be honest, he wasn't sure would work.

Wesley said nothing, trying his best to keep his expression blank but in fact he was extraordinarily concerned, more than he wanted to let on to Angel. Cordelia's desire to return to Sunnydale was ill advised at best, and her certainty in a plan that was well, insane was no help to Wesley's growing sense of unease, but he trusted Angel. Trusted him to keep Cordelia safe, and to catch her should she go over the edge completely and the glowering young man/old vampire standing beside him was the only reason he was willing to attempt this trip.

Cordelia came out of her room carrying her bag, she was leaning a little to one side to compensate for the weight. Angel took the bag from her, it felt as if it were full of bricks, he began to head towards the underground parking garage, when he felt as well as heard the bag slosh. He put it down on the table and opened it.

Angel, you don't have to check, it's just shampoo and conditioner and....

vodka Angel said, removing three full sealed bottles from the bag.

Vodka she said, but we might be gone for a while and,

you don't drink anymore Cordelia, remember he said, it was a hard battle for her, she knew that, but he was vigilant.

She dropped her head. Angel, I'm sorry, look, we don't have to go, if you don't want to, we don't have to do this.

Angel was looking at her when he sensed someone enter the office.

I'll be right back he said, heading up the stairs.

Cordelia followed.

Stay here he said.

She followed.

Greg was quietly riffling through the papers on the desk, when Angel found him.

Can I help you he asked.

Oh, Angel, good, great, you're here.

Right, so any of my mail you need to read, just let me know.

No Angel, I was just waiting for you to...

Cordelia, he looked past Angel at his wife's figure, disappearing behind Angel's broad frame.

Cordelia, go down stairs, Angel said, get in the car.

She headed back down to do that when Greg's voice stopped her in her tracks.

Cordelia, we need to talk.

Greg, she turned around, sighing, not now okay.

It has to be now Greg said, something's come up.

Angel did not move from his position, blocking Greg's access to Cordelia, he felt her hand reach out behind him and he took her warm hand in his on cool one and squeezed once, a silent reminder that he would not allow anything to happen to her.

Cordelia took strength from this small gesture and raised her chin a little.

Greg, we have nothing to say to each other, go away, you're trespassing.

Greg looked at her, more than a little surprised that she was dismissing him.

'delia he said quietly.

She steeled herself, she would not let the small endearment make her cry.

Angel reached back for her hand again, but this time she wasn't looking for his support.

she walked forward, around Angel, who tried to discreetly block her way.

Greg, she said softly.

Greg felt himself making headway, careful, he thought, 

god, 'delia, you look better, I'm sorry...for all of it.

Yeah, she said, I know you are, really sorry, you're always really sorry aren't you.

Cordelia, you know what it was, how it was, but it's better now, I'm better now, can't I just see you again, just dinner or something?

Greg, she shook her head, wanting desperately to say yes, knowing she shouldn't wouldn't couldn't

Cordy, I still love you. Greg waited, had he gone too far, or just enough, would she trust him.

Angel watched the scene growing more tense by the minute, Cordelia appeared to be back in this monsters spell, if she went back to him, well, they'd be a square one again. He took a step forward.

Greg, Cordelia said, putting her arm out to stop Angel, I know you think this is love, but love, well, it isn't this sick, it can't be, and if it is, I don't want anything to do with it. Greg I can't take it again, I can't live like that again.

Cordelia, I'm not asking you to move back home, I just want to have dinner, to talk, to tell you what's been going on with me, I'm changing, it's good, we could be good.

She listened, she wanted to believe him, more than anything she wanted to believe him, Greg, she almost whispered 

he stood there in front of Angel's desk and held out his arms, his head cocked to one side, he looked so sweet and young, like when they'd first met.

Cordelia took a step towards him, Angel considered his options, 

I could snap his neck right now he thought, the image made him smile.

Cordelia took another step towards her husband.

Careful Greg thought to himself, slow, just don't move, it was as if he were trying to catch a skittish rabbit.

Cordelia took the final step and leaned her head against his chest, she let him fold his arms around her.

she embraced him.

Angel almost broke his teeth clenching his jaw so tightly

goodbye Greg Cordelia whispered, and with that extricated herself from his embrace and walked past Angel towards the car. Greg didn't see her tears, but Angel did.

Angel gave one of his patented smirks, turned on his heel and headed towards the car, Wesley was waiting for them there. Cordelia was in the back seat with Wesley, he held her as she cried, Angel drove towards Sunnydale as quickly as he could.

Lindsay was furious. Greg was cowed by his anger. I did what I could, but I've made some mistakes, and with Angel around, well, she's not gonna be as easy to control as I thought.

You promised me a seer, that was the deal, you deliver her to me and I will make sue that all goes well for you. Look I can still deliver her, I have a pretty good idea of where they are going, I can do this, just, don't, don't, don't hurt her, not yet, we can do this without hurting her.

Lindsay focused on regaining his composure. You're right, I forgot how complicated things can get between a husband and a wife, go, win her back, do what you have to in order to get her away from Angel, no one is going to hurt her.

Greg sighed with relief and headed home to pack a bag of his own, they would go back to sunnydale, he knew it, she would go back to her friends there, Angel was from there, he would find her in her old home town, they would talk, it would all be okay, it wasn't over yet.

Giles was making retrieving spare linens for the fold out couch, Buffy was pacing nervously, and was a little aggravated that Xander who was trying to use the same floor space to pace as well constantly interrupted her pacing. Willow sat on the couch, her laptop in front of her, she had a lead on some information regarding a Granmols demon class that was apparently involved in the End of Days somehow, and she was trying to follow it up but with little success.

There was a knock at the door.

Giles answered it, and the others stood, frozen in position.

Wesley came in followed closely by Angel and Cordelia.

Angel looks good, Buffy thought, and then put the thought away, of course he looks good, he doesn't age, idiot.

Willow was ready for Cordelia to begin snapping orders or complaining but she stood, partially hidden by Angel, and said nothing.

Xander moved a few inches to his right to get a better look at Cordelia, she looks thin, he thought, really thin, probably one of those new LA fad diets huh, he said nothing, and there was silence in the room, a thick silence, filled with subtext.

Um, hi, Angel said, 

Buffy.

Angel, she replied.

It's good to see you, all of you he added glancing towards the others in the room for the first time.

Angel was standing in a rather familiar spot, felling the ambivalence of the team, they never quite new whether to trust him, and were never quite sure what his presence would bring, he shook the thoughts off, he had more important issues than past mistakes, he had current mistakes to deal with. Snapping out of his reverie he turned towards Cordelia and solicitously put his hand against the small of her back.

Do you need to sit he asked her?

um, she just looked down, I'm okay but, um maybe, yeah, a glass of water, she looked at him questioningly, he glanced at the grandfather clock against the wall, four hours since her last dose, but these were extenuating circumstances, yeah, sit, I'll be right there.

He led Cordelia to a chair, where he noticed she curled her feet under her and wrapped her arms around her legs. She's scared he thought, no surprise there, but this was supposed to be a safe place, he got her a glass of water, Giles I hope you don't mind, I kind of remember where everything is.

No, no of course, please help yourself said Giles taking off his glasses to clean them, while pondering some of the things Wesley had told him, and some of the things he had apparently chosen to leave out.

Buffy went to the kitchen to join Angel. So, Cordelia huh, is she sick?

Yeah, Angel said, she's sick, she needs a little help at the moment and with that he shouldered past her to deliver the glass of ice water to Cordelia, he surreptitiously handed her a couple of pills which she took with thanks in her eyes. 

Xander was sitting on the couch, next to Willow, his eyes had not left Cordelia since she had entered the apartment. Hey cord, how's married life treating you Xander asked, trying to keep his tone light. Cordelia looked up, surprised by the question, what had Wesley told him?

She glanced towards Wesley, questioningly.

It's not a difficult question Xander said, and then suddenly feeling the tension, unless it IS a difficult question in which case forget I asked, anyway, it's good to see you, you look, um.

Terrible, she filled in, I look terrible, but I've been um, sick.

Oh, Xander said, suddenly filled wit concern, it wasn't a diet, what was wrong with her, were those dark circles under her eyes? He wondered. He was about to speak when he thought better of it, which left the others in the room with the rather amusing visual image of Xander's mouth opening and shutting like a floundering, well flounder. He finally snapped his mouth shut for the last time and turned his attention to Wesley, hoping for safer ground.

So Wes man, what's new.

Nothing Wesley answered, I was hoping you all had something new on the subject.

Right the End of Days Willow jumped in, I found this guy, who had a couple of Granmols demons working for him, Don't ask, I find it best if I never know how these people get involved with the demons, anyway he remembers them talking about the End of Final Light, at least that's how he translated it, but I'm thinking End of Days, you know translations from demon to English can be tricky, so I've been asking him what he knows and the answer is...

well, nothing, but we know a new kind of demon which may or may not be involved, so...she trailed off, nope nothing new here.

Yes Giles said, well we've all been working rather hard on it but I don't think anything will come of it tonight, Willow, Xander why don't you take Angel and Cordelia to your place, and Wesley and I will arrange things here, I say we all meet back her tomorrow at, well, sundown I suppose, he said, glancing at Angel. We have a lot to discuss. 

They all nodded in agreement and with little more talk made their way back to their respective quarters.

Giles and Wesley found themselves finally alone in his apartment.

Do you really think we can do this, Giles asked, the last time I looked, it has never been done successfully without great harm coming to those around the center.

Yes, Wesley said, I know, I have tried to explain this to the both of them but they won't listen she is determined to do this and without our help, well Giles, I am afraid that we two are the only ones who might be able to help her.

Giles took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

Oh what I wouldn't give to have access to the watchers diaries at the moment.

Giles looked up, has a watcher attempted this before? I don't recall reading about it.

Oh, Wesley said, no, it's just have you ever read Dayfffd Rowains books from 1126 to 1138, now Maglena was a slayer, and his writing, so clear and concise, nothing like some of the other messes watchers left, I loved that book, kept it on my night stand.

Giles smiled, yes, I did read it, found it rather boring though, although I will admit to having a penchant for Geoffrey Ingbods accounts of his time with Torenz, when was that ah yes 1590 to 1609, nineteen years and the prose, simply delightful. 

Do you think anyone will ever read our accounts with such interest he Wesley asked. No, no I don't Giles replied, I can't see anyone finding solace in the murky gray world of our slayers, although as pulp they could be bestsellers. Wesley smiled, to himself, I don't think so.

Well Giles said, this leads me to my next question... would you like a drink, 

love one, and with that the two old mystics/ ex watchers proceeded to get very very drunk on very very old scotch.

Buffy did a quick sweep patrolling before she headed towards her own apartment. She had a lot to think about, and slaying was comfort food for her. She didn't actually slay anything, vampire activity had been extremely low as of late, mostly due to the fact that word had spread that this slayer was not once to mess with, she kept vampires as pets, was the rumor, not exactly true, but not exactly false either, there was spike, and of course Angel.

Angel, Buffy still had a physical reaction to his name, and seeing him, well, that was a new, or actually old kind of hell. Buffy hadn't contacted him in a while, it seemed so self-defeating to stay in touch with the one thing she wanted and the one thing she couldn't have. It gave her a selfish kind of solace, that she admitted only to herself during soul-searching sweeps like this one, that he couldn't move on, find someone else...

but could he, the question niggled at the back of her brain, the way he took care of Cordelia, the way he hovered over her, what was up with that? She caught something moving out of the corner of her eye and pulled her stake.

Hey, woah, just me, thought I might find you here.

Xander,

is me, he replied.

What's up? Something wrong,

not in the hellmouth sense of the term.

She sighed, Angel, Cordelia, memories huh.

Yeah, Xander said, do you ever stop thinking of highschool sweethearts as the ones who got away.

Buffy wrinkled her brow, Cordelia was a sweetheart?

You know what I mean

yeah, I do, and no I don't think you ever really get over it I mean, was it ever as intense with you and Anya as it was wit Cordelia? Cause I know nothing compared to what Angel and I had, or could have had.

Yeah, tell me about it. Buffy what is wrong with us, we are both relatively attractive people, you have preternatural strength and grace, and I, well, I have my own business, shouldn't we be in relationships?

Shouldn't we not be in graveyards thinking about people we haven't been involved with in years, she asked?

But we are, right, involved still, maybe that's the problem.

I don't know Xander, what's up with the two of them, I was getting a really protective vibe from Angel on this, haven't' felt that since he sponsored faith. Yeah, I know and Cordy's not exactly herself, I don't know.

Well Giles will tell us right?

Or we'll get it out of him, he can't keep a secret, you know that. 

True.

Well, I'd best head to Willow's to sleep, I have to open the shop tomorrow....at one. yeah, I'll see you at Giles tomorrow night? 

Absolutely. And with that they both headed off but Buffy still unable to sleep, did another quick and fruitless sweep before heading off to bed.

Giles and Wesley were trying to recall the most insipid watchers they had ever read, when Wesley asked Giles, in a drunken slur, Giles, did you ever find out what the ultimate purpose of the council was.

Giles stopped dead in his tracks towards the bar.

Umlitate, uh, ulmitat, ah what purposhe, he slurred.

Don't hold out on me old boy, I know you know of it, do you know IT?

Giles was shocked and through the haze of alcohol tried to regain his composure. Yes, um no um, of course I know of it I was just unaware that you did.

I'm not as think as you stupid I am, Wesley slurred, I mean I'm not as shtupid, oh you know what I mean he said, leaning back against the sofa, what is it, you can tell me.

Don't know Giles said sullenly, and without saying another word headed towards bed.

Wesley passed out on the couch, and was brutally awoken by the morning sun a few hours later.

The sun was just coming up by the time Angel got Cordelia to rest, it had been a brutal night, she was scared, and hurt and hadn't yet processed her encounter with Greg, it all hit her hard, leading her back to her old and by now familiar tricks, she cried, she blamed herself, she drank, Angel found Xander's meager supply of beer and schnapps decimated before he figured out why she kept going back to the kitchen to "heat up" her tea. Eventually hours later he put her to bed, he grabbed a blanket to use while he napped on a chair.

Angel you can use the bed, Cordelia said.

No Angel said, you need it.

No, with me.

Cordelia, he said haltingly, this isn't the time, we um, can't, I think you've mistaken...

Angel just hold me, I don't want to um, well, the curse, and you know me and you...no, just I guess I'm just scared and lonely, will you hold me. 

She was still a little drunk, and the painkillers had kicked in, but he heard the need in her voice and he lay above the covers, and she curled her body against his broad chest, he threw an arm across her waist, and she slept. This is how Xander found them in the early afternoon when he came to retrieve his keys so that he could open the register.

Xander grabbed the keys and headed downstairs too confused by what he'd seen to process it at the moment. Angel and Cordelia, it didn't make any sense, was the curse lifted, was it not true happiness with her, wasn't she married. Xander was too distracted by his thoughts to notice anything amiss in the store.

He unlocked the register, and switched the sign on the door from closed to open, turned the lock to allow the odd (and he did mean odd) customer to gain access. He then grabbed a magazine he'd been reading and took his customary place on the stool behind the counter. He flipped to the pictures of wiccins at a recent coven meeting, for the naked pictures of the witches, and was staring intently when he heard a muffled sound from the back room. Probably rats, he thought but headed back to make sure. 

He found Willow bound and gagged sitting on the floor.

Xander untied her, and took the tape off of her mouth.

Ouch, she yelled,

Hey, sorry, what, well, what happened.

I came down here last night, couldn't sleep, wanted to check inventory on some stuff and some ooky guy came in.

Vampire?

No, defiantly not, well probably not, anyway, started ranting about needing something, I tried to find it but I don't even know what he was asking for, never heard of it, what's Shrineroot? Xander shrugged, helping Willow up from the floor. Anyway, he's screaming for Shrineroot, I am trying to tell him we don't have any, and he flips, knocks me across the room and then ties me up.

Did he take anything? The redhead asked.

Xander shook his head, doesn't look like anything's missing. 

We have to tell Giles.

Let's go.

Xander locked the store back up and they left through the back, heading to Giles place.

Buffy was there when they arrived, making coffee and trying to rouse Wesley, who seemed content to be unroused.

Willow, Buffy asked seeing her black eye, what happened.

Willow recounted the story again.

What did he look like Giles asked.

Not a demon Willow said, shaking her head, just human I think. Giles what is Shrineroot?

Willow are you sure he said Shrineroot? Not THE Shrineroot?

Yes, he said it was some kind of herb or potion, he didn't seem to sure either but he knew he needed it, or something.

Giles looked perplexed. Shrineroot is not an herb at all, it's a talisman, or actually to be more precise it is a mythical talisman, no one has ever actually seen it that I can find a record of, it is used as an integral part of certain ceremonies that well, can't take place.

Good, Giles, glad to have that all cleared up, Xander said, and I think I speak for the rest of us when I say. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Giles stopped for a moment.

Let me start from the beginning, When the last demon left this dimension, and mixed his blood with that of a human,

Creating vampires, Buffy filled in,

I know this part already Willow said impatiently.

Yes, well, the final drop of demon blood hit the ground, mixing with the earth, it created a red stone, which was planted at the base of a tree, some demons believe that if this tree is found, this rock unearthed and returned to it's liquid form, demons will again have a strangle hold on this dimension.

But it doesn't exist, Xander asked?

No one has ever found proof of it existing, it is mythical, not based in fact.

Like vampires? Willow asked.

They all looked at her.

I'm just saying that most people think vampires are mythical, and would disregard the story from the beginning, how do we know it doesn't exist.

It really doesn't matter Giles said, the important thing is that this demon, vampire, whatever, wants it but doesn't seem to know what it is. Why would someone go to all that trouble to try to find something of which they had no idea?

It's a turvy topsy world Willow said, emerging from the kitchen with and icepack for her eye.

Wesley awoke at this point and the gang filled him in.

Willow, what did he look like.

Just a guy Willow said.

Yes, Wesley said, a guy, exactly, could you be a little more specific, and he winced, a little quieter?

Buffy handed him a cup of coffee and two aspirin, which he gratefully accepted while Willow gave a brief description of the man who, had attacked her. Average height, average build, sandy blonde hair, cut on his eye, oh, and a wedding ring she said, turning her face to show where the ring had left a slightly darker mark in the bruise.

Wesley stared into his coffee and wondered, but then disregarded the thought as ludicrous. And then he thought again, we are on the hellmouth.

I will be back he said, I have to get something from Cordelia.

You might want to knock first Xander said, they all looked at him as if he were slightly balmy.

Wesley found Cordelia making tea in Xander's kitchen, she looked rumpled pale drawn and tired. Angel was still asleep on the bed, Wesley noticed with interest that it was also apparently where Cordelia had slept last night. The ever-proper British ex watcher said nothing.

Cordelia, have you a picture of Greg. 

Cordelia froze at the question, why?

For our meeting tonight, Wesley improvised, I want to make sure that everyone is aware of how dangerous he might be.

Wesley, he's only after me, he's not gonna hurt anyone else.

Yes, yes of course, but still, a picture. Wesley felt it best not to concern her with the direction of his thoughts until he was sure.

Yeah, let me get it, she went into her wallet and produced a rather old photo of the two of them, in happier times, outside, laughing. Her hand shook as she gave the picture to Wesley. 

Thank you Cordelia... are you alright?

Yeah, she said, just a little you know, spacy, it's been a long couple of days.

Wesley smiled at the girl, it will be all right, I promise you Cordelia, even if your plan doesn't work, we will figure something out.

It has to work Cordelia said determinedly.

Wesley smiled at her again. I'll see you soon. And with that he turned and headed back towards Giles place.

Angel awoke, and was startled to find Cordelia not in the room.

Cord, Cordy, Cordelia, where are you he asked.

Um, right her she said, looking a little amused.

Oh, good, I was um, 

Worried? She asked.

Yeah, I guess so, are you feeling any better?

I'll live she said, and leaned forward to give him a peck on the cheek, I promise.

He smiled a little and took the proffered cup of coffee from her.

Listen we have to talk, about your plan, I'm still not sure this is a good idea.

Angel, it's the best way, we do this and Wolfram and Hart have no hold on me. Then all we have to do is save Greg, prevent the End of Days, and life gets back to the normal grind of excruciating visions and demon killing. She smiled. Angel smiled back, glad to see her healing, and hopefully not having to backslide again. 

He promised himself he would not allow that, by now it was a familiar promise but he meant to keep it. 

Wesley returned with the photo. Willow, is this the man? Willow examined the photo carefully, the context raising more questions then it answered, yeah, she said, yeah that's him but he was a little more crazed then he looks in the picture.

Yes Wesley said, I was afraid of this, or something like this, and with that he gave a brief summary of the recent encounters he Angel and Cordelia had had with Greg and wolfram and Hart, he left out the more personal issues regarding Cordelia's strained relationship with her husband, knowing it was probably not something she would wish to share.

Xander stood, silently for a while. So Cordelia's husband is a demon.

No, at least I don't believe so Wesley said, it is more than likely that he is under control of Wolfram and Hart. There is more to their need for Cordelia's gift than they are letting on, or they wouldn't be so persistent.

And she wants us to return the gift to her Giles asked, after the Powers that Be chose to take it away? Does she have any idea how dangerous that could be.

I don't think she does Wesley said, but she does have a point, should we convince the Powers that she is worthy of the gift, it will be less destructive to her than Wolfram and Harts method. They would, you see, be going against the powers wishes, which could, well, kill Cordelia, the gift almost killed her once before, should her mind become open to these visions permanently, that is constantly, with no reprieve, well, then there is no telling what might happen. I don't believe Lindsay has any idea what he is dealing with when it comes to these matters.

And we do? Willow asked, I mean, who are these PTB's and what gives them the right to play in people's heads? And suppose they are not particularly willing to give Cordelia her power back then what?

Then we find another plan Angel said walking into the room, Cordelia trailing silently behind him.

Buffy had been silent through the entire encounter, and still didn't know what to say, but she knew this, if Angel was so desperate to help Cordelia, then she was going to help, old habits die hard and helping Angel was not one she was even interested in kicking.

So um, Xander said uncomfortably, not sure what his discovery this morning had meant, not sure he wanted to know, but absolutely sure he didn't want to discuss it now, with everyone standing around, and the tension palpable, what now.

Now we clear the furniture, set the circle, and prepare for the ritual, Giles said.

Great, where do you need me Buffy asked.

Buffy, strength, first move the furniture to the side, Angel will help I am sure and then I will need you to sit, facing due west.

Got a compass?

I'll tell you when the time comes Giles smiled.

Willow, we will need rowan branches and,

Giles, I've got it all, I checked the spell last night, everything is at my place I just need to go pick it up.

Not alone Wesley said.

Willow nodded in agreement, not alone, Xander?

With ya, and they departed.

So Xander said, walking down the street with Willow, what's up with Angel and Cordy?

Um, nothing? Or um, something? I don't know, why.

No reason, just getting a weird vibe from the two of them.

Yeah well, she needs rescuing, that's what Angel does right, rescues, helps the hopeless.

Xander snorted, hopeless, Cordelia, I'm thinking NOT.

Xander have you paid any attention to what's been going on in the last twelve hours? This is not the Bitch Queen C we knew, there's something wrong, something going on, and it's more than losing her position as seer with Angel investigations.

Yeah, maybe, Xander said, still not quite convinced, but still they seem a little chummy.

What, are you jealous, Willow asked, it's been like, seven years, cling much?

Hey, I moved on, way on, far to Anya remember?

Willow's smile melted, yeah, I remember Anya.

In silence they retrieved the necessary items from the storeroom of the Magik Shoppe, and headed back towards Giles's.

When they were half way there Willow accidentally on purpose knocked Xander off the pavement and onto the grass, he smiled and returned the gesture, when all else in their life failed there was always each other.

They returned to find the room changed, the floor was clear, and a large circle had been drawn in the center of the living room, outside it was an even larger circle, Giles took the items from Willow and placed them where they belonged. 

Buffy strength, I need you here, and he pointed at a spot on the floor, facing out towards the door, Buffy obliged.

Willow, power, that would put you here.

Xander I'll need you to light the candles when I give the word.

Xander took the barbecue lighter from Giles and stood at the ready.

Angel, soul, that would leave you south, Angel took his required position, and I will take the seat for knowledge,

Cordelia, if you will lie inside the middles circle, arms and legs pointing out, head finishing the pentagram, and Wesley, you will do the chanting?

Yes of course.

Cordelia felt terrible, she wanted to curl up, laying here even fully dressed like this she felt exposed, and awful.

Angel, she said.

I'm right here Cordelia, he took her left hand for support, I'll be right here.

I know but.

Shhh, Cordelia, you need a clear head for this he said, knowing what she wanted, we don't have to do this, it's okay, are you sure you're okay.

No, she said, I want to do this, we need to do this, just, I-I- I'm really scared.

Shhhh he soothed, it'll be alright.

Everyone but Wesley took in the encounter with a separate set of confused thoughts.

Giles looked at his watch, I guess we should begin, it was a little after six PM and Wesley took his que, he began to chant, most of the spell was ancient Latin, some a language he had encountered only once or twice before, but still he was careful, he would be the one negotiating with the Powers That Be.

Giles gave Xander the sign and he began to light the candles there were 35 of them, seven gathered at each point of the pentagram that Cordelia formed. 

Cordelia's eyes were closed tears ran down her cheeks but she remained silent.

Buffy closed her eyes. Angel concentrated all of his strength, trying to pass It to Cordelia, hoping she would be okay, 

Willow listened to Wesley's chanting and tried to follow.

Wesley was careful not to lose the cadence as his tongue tripped over the ancient text, he felt a cold rush of air and looked up to find himself standing in blackness, three flickering lights ahead of him.

He continued to chant, he could not see the book, could not feel the book but the words were there for him, and he did not stop until the flickers of light became blinding, somehow merging together yet staying separate, each tinged with a different color.

WHAT DO YOU REQUEST OF US?

Wesley had practiced his line a thousand times, he had known what they would ask, and still he stuttered. 

C-c-c-Cordelia Chase works for the vampire with a soul, you once gave her the power to see those who were in trouble, I have come to request the power returned to her, for the help in the fight against evil.

And we should care why? The powers asked, Wesley heard the question but he realized, it was not spoken, not sound, something other.

Because there are others, who wish to harm her, and bring about the End of Days.

And you think her puny powers can stop that.

Wesley was silent for a moment as he pondered his next response.

It must be stopped, he said, the girl can help.

The girl is weak, and ungrateful, her powers were a gift, and she discarded them, she chose to plight her troth with the End, why should we help her now?

The end, Wesley asked?

Why should we help her now? The powers asked again.

Because she has repented, he said, she has suffered, an she want's to atone, to help.

Yes, they all want to atone, everyone, all the mortals want to atone, but they are not worthy.

She IS worthy, Wesley said, she puts herself in danger to stop the End of Days

She put herself in danger to receive safety from the End of Days.

Wesley was confused, but he couldn't stop now.

She- she- she, she, want's to help. Please, I beseech you, return her powers to her.

Wesley felt himself falling, he screamed, but there seemed to be no end to the fall, the lights dimmed and he was in utter blackness, he grasped at anything but found nothing to hold on to, he knew when he landed he would die, and so he screamed again, but soon his voice wore out, and there was nothing, just the whoosh of air and the constant stomach wrenching feeling of falling, it was an eternity, he went on like this for hours, and when he finally landed he was on Giles couch.

Cordelia's body stiffened, and then relaxed, Angel felt her arm slam into the small of his back and turned to see her, she was sitting up again curled into a ball, but both hands holding her head as she let out a soft whimper.

Angel broke the circle to get to her.

Cordelia, what's happening.

She remained uncommunicative while for a minute while Angel tried to determine whether she was having a vision. She looked up. Aspirin Angel, and a drink?

Yeah, he said, what did you see.

Wesley he's in trouble, she glanced over to the couch where Wesley looked to be screaming but no sound came out.

Cordelia, what's going on, did it work.

Everyone else in the room remained silent, unsure of what the next move should be.

I think it did Angel, but Wesley, he's in the dark, he's,

Wesley came to.

Oh god, he said, am I, did I, die?

Cordelia was on her knees holding his hand, no I don't think you did.

Oh, Cordelia, I am sorry, I pleaded with the PTB's but they just wouldn't, his voice was like a croak.

Shhh, Wesley, they did, it worked, I think.

Well, test it out Xander said.

Angel looked at him, it's not something she can control, we won't know until a vision is sent.

Wesley looked at her, you think it worked, 

I saw you, you were falling, it was dark.

Yes, yes, that was what happened.

So, did the PTB's have noses?

He stared at her

Did they?

No Cordelia, they were pure energy, but do you really think it worked? I think it did.

She helped Wesley stand up, swallowed the aspirin with a sip of brandy and offered the rest of the glass to Wesley who drank it down in a single gulp. Just promise me, he said, that I won't have to talk to them again.

She smiled.

Angel watched in amazement, it was as if Cordelia had had five years taken off her life, she looked healthier and happier than he had seen her look since he had first found her again, she was smiling and thanking and hugging everyone, she had just come around to thank him when the vision hit.

He caught her.

He was concerned, the visions coming this close together could only mean trouble, if they got closer, she wouldn't be able to make it, he knew that from experience, he held her up, and gestured to Wesley for a pen and paper.

Wesley found the necessary items and they both waited for the vision to stop.

Giles was not terribly surprised by Cordelia's response, he had seen cases like this before and read about them as well, when a power is removed the part of the individual that hoses that power dies, it takes a small part with them, her powers had been returned to her, he was sure of that, she seemed whole again. As for the crippling nature of the visions, well, he had yet to come across a gift from the otherworlds that didn't have a high cost involved, he was just glad that Wesley and Angel seemed to know what to do about it.

Xander Buffy and Willow gathered close as they were wont to do when anything they didn't understand confronted them, they would later gather information, try to understand and control what they were seeing, in the meantime, they took comfort in the closeness they shared, and each took in the scene and cataloged their own concerns silently.

When the vision was over, Angel moved her to the couch, Cordelia what did you see? She grabbed the pen and paper from Wesley and began writing furiously, minutes later she was done, she folded the paper and put it in the pocket of her khaki pants. We'll talk about it later she said. Take me to bed Angel.

The request was as innocently asked as it was answered. There was nothing sexual between the two, he was concerned for his friend, his best friend if truth be told, and she, well, all she knew is that she felt safe with Angel, and feeling no-one else could provide at this point in her life. The two of them headed towards the door, Angel guiding her with his hand on the small of her back.

I'll try to get back he said as he left, but he had a feeling that leaving Cordelia alone wasn't such a good idea.

When they left Buffy looked up, shook herself out of her reverie and grabbed her weapons bag. Well, glad that worked, patrolling now, see you tomorrow, and she left, She never did get to patrolling that night, instead she went the two buildings over to her apartment and cried when the tears came and took over her small frame, and she shook silently with anger at herself, disappointment, and if truth be told, desperate jealousy. She fell asleep before she actually felt any better.

Willow and Xander looked at each other, they had seen spells work before, and seen them go awry, neither threw them at this point, or at least threw them much, it was their close connection with the people involved that created the problems. As far as they knew the curse was still there, looming over the Buffy/Angel chronicles, so what was he doing with Cordelia. Willow was worried for her friend, Xander had mixed feelings, equal parts concern for Buffy and jealousy of Angel's close relationship with Cordelia, for once he was left speechless and the two silently filtered out of Giles apartment, heading back to the Magik Shoppe.

Angel and Cordelia were headed back to the Magik Shoppe as well, the smiled hello as Xander and Willow passed them on the street but didn't stop to talk, things were strange and strained.

Want to tell me now what you saw Angel asked?

No.

Can I see the paper?

Um, no? 

Cordelia, he said, a little more annoyed now.

Angel, I-I-I just can't

Cordelia the visions are back, it worked, but it won't if you start keeping secrets from me...again.

Not a secret Angel, just something I have to do for myself?

He raised an eyebrow.

She gave a halfhearted smile.

She stood there in the middle of the night, waiting for her to tell him what he had to fix now, desperate for her to begin trusting him completely again.

Lets just go home, um, back, to Xander's, you know, um, inside?

Yeah, he said walking just a few steps behind her, the best way he knew to keep and eye on her.

When they got back to Xander's he looked at her questioningly.

Um, the vision, it was Greg.

Angel stood silently.

He's gotten all ferrety?

Like a small rodent, I can see that about him.

No like a wolf.

Feral.

Yeah, feral he's um digging for something at the hellmouth.

Cordelia we're at the hellmouth.

No, the actual hellmouth, you know, the library.

You stay here, I'll go.

No Angel, there's more, she handed him the paper, to tired to explain it all to him.

His brow furrowed as he looked at it, Cordelia, is this even in English?

I'm not sure, she looked at it again.

Oh yeah, see that's an s, this says the Shrineroot, and he's eating it.

Angel stopped in his tracks. HE'S gonna eat the Shrineroot.

Yeah, and then, well, mayhem ensues, he opens the hellmouth... all of them.

And the end of day comes.

No Angel, he IS the end of days. There's something about him, he has to do it, he is well, actually that's all I got.

I'm on my way.

Angel, wait, I think we need, um, uh, 

Buffy Angel said.

Cordelia gave him a twisted and apologetic grin, well I was gonna say backup but I guess it's kinda the same thing huh?

Angel was on the phone, he called Giles, gave him a brief update on the situation and put on his black duster.

Cordelia, you stay here, I'll be back (probably, he thought)

No I'm going too, Angel this is my fight, this is my fault.

He looked at her, knowing it was neither but not knowing how to convince her of that and not having the time at the moment. His lack of objection served as her permission to follow.

Angel reached the old school and made his way through the wreckage, feeling his way to the library.

He found Greg there, Buffy was talking to him.

Greg, come on, lets just think this through.

Greg's attention turned to Cordelia the moment she entered the room, his eyes were redrimmed, and the whites were gray, he was growling inhumanly.

To the horror of all watching he found what he was looking for, it was a fist sized stone, orb actually perfectly round and blood red, with striations of darker tones of blood red burgundy. Giles froze.

The Shrineroot Wesley said.

Xander and Willow showed up at that very second.

No-one questioned their appearance there, there was no time.

Angel stepped forward, Greg, think about this, what is this going to accomplish.

Oh quite a bit Lindsay said appearing from the shadows.

Greg, give me the stone.

Greg looked at him, you think I'd turn over a power like this to a shit like you.

Cordelia, come with me together we can rule the world.

Buffy jumped in at this point, would that be before or after you destroy it?

Greg grinned, his voice no longer completely human, After he said.

He took the stone to his mouth, Angel hurled himself at him, knocking the wind out of him as Greg fell to the ground.

Greg never lost his death grip on the Shrineroot. Angel administered a right hook to Greg's jaw, but it didn't even phase him.

What did you do to him he yelled at Lindsay?

Nothing Lindsay said, just a little spell, to help him find the girl, she was supposed to find the Shrineroot.

You have no idea what you're messing with, why would you even want it, Giles asked, Angel continued to pummel an unfazed Greg.

It's quite the bargaining chip now isn't it, Lindsay said, to tell our clients that we can deliver the Shrineroot, well, there are many who would be more, compliant shall we say, should we be able to offer this.

Wesley looked at him aghast. You would destroy the world to keep your clients happy, isn't that sort of a short termed solution.

Oh, we'd never deliver, but to be able to make the promise, that's something.

Greg and Angel were fighting Angel grabbed his neck and snapped it, Greg fell to the floor

And rose again seconds later, seemingly undaunted. Angel moved forward menacingly but Greg jumped to his left and attacked Lindsay, he knocked the young lawyer on his back and began beating on his chest, you promised me, he yelled, you promised me he growled, and he did not stop beating Lindsay even after Lindsay's heart stopped beating.

Buffy saw her opportunity and took it, she came up behind Greg and staked him, but he only turned, Shrineroot in hand and clocked her with a fist, backed by a stone almost older than time.

Buffy fell backwards, 

Angel, Wesley called, and pulled a double-sided fighting ax out of the bag at his feet, he tossed it to Angel, who caught it and brought it down on Greg in one graceful movement.

He cleaved Greg's shoulder, and Greg seemed to have a reaction to that, he got angrier, he went after Buffy then with full force, throwing himself on top of her prone body. Hmmmm, he growled, can't have Cordelia, you'll do. And with that he began to grind on Buffy, his shoulder smearing her body with blood.

Won't do what you think, Buffy said, kicking him off of her.

Greg was a little startled but headed towards her again, when Cordelia approached him.

Cordelia NO!! both Xander and Angel screamed at the same time.

The pretty young woman took another two steps and closed the gap between herself and her ex husband.

Greg she said, quietly but invitingly.

She's under a spell Wesley said.

And indeed she appeared to be, her soft brown eyes never left Greg's, she slid her arms around his neck, not seeming to notice the gaping hole in his shoulder that was soaking her T-shirt through with blood.

Greg.

Cordelia he growled, I always promised you the best of everything, and now I can deliver...everything. We can have it all, I can give you what you want now.

Angel looked on, unsure of what to do.

Cordelia knew exactly what to do.

She kissed Greg, deeply as she ran her fingers down his shoulders, careful not to actually insert her hand into the gaping wound.

She slid her hands down his arms, she leaned in and kissed him as her hands intertwined with his.

As soon as she had the Shrineroot in hand she tossed it towards Xander.

Xander saw the stone coming, he got the same anxious sick feeling he used to get when he played volleyball in gym, but there was a difference, the fate of the world depended on THIS catch, he caught it and couldn't hold back a smile.

Angel looked at Wesley Giles and Xander, standing to the sides, Xander handed the stone to Giles.

Get her out of there, Angel yelled as Greg roared/screamed in anger.

Xander, still on a high from his recent small triumph moved forward and grabbed Cordelia's arm, Greg's good arm snaked around her waist but Cordelia used her free hand to jam into Greg's shoulder eliciting yet another scream from him, he let go of Cordelia just enough for Xander to pull her free. 

The enormity of what Cordelia had done hit her as soon as she was free of him, she couldn't watch the ensuing battle, she buried her face in Xander's chest and clung to him for support.

Xander not knowing what to make of Cordelia's reaction, simply put his arms around her and held her.

Angel was at Greg's back, Buffy facing him, and the rhythm they had together was not lost. They fought the demon Greg with moves and actions that could only be accomplished after years of practice together. Each time she threw him off her Angel was there to grab him and do a little more damage. Angel yelled for Buffy to clear and he cleaved Greg's arm completely from him body, finishing what he had started.

Greg growled in anger, and headed towards Angel, biting a large section of his shoulder, using his hands to try and expand the wound, Buffy called him towards her and Greg pushed Angel backwards, impaling Angel's shoulder on a piece of metal sticking out of the wall picking up his own arm to use as a weapon he began to spin, causing blood and tissue to fly from his severed limb and spatter all who were watching.

Angel pulled himself off the wall and grabbed his ax he held it at shoulder length and used the force of Greg's own spin to decapitate him. 

They all watched in horror as the body continued to spin, headless a few times, but then it fell to the ground. 

Angel looked at the severed, decapitated mess and hacked at it again and again with his blade.

When the body was little more than pulp he fell over next to the body. Burn it he said, and promptly passed out.

Buffy rushed over to Angel too concerned with his inert form to worry about the gelatinous mess that was Cordelia's ex husband.

Cordelia looked up and struggled free of Xander's embrace to run to Angel's side.

His skin was cold and pale, but different somehow and Buffy noticed that the wound on his shoulder was gushing blood.

What's happening to him she asked

He's becoming human Wesley replied.

He's bleeding to death Cordelia said, we need to get him to a hospital.

Buffy did most of the carrying while Giles stayed behind to mix a binding spell with Greg's remains and set the entire concoction ablaze.

He reached the front of the school in time to see them loading Angel into an ambulance.

Everyone followed the flashing lights on foot and in silence.

When they reached the emergency room there was quite a bit of explaining to do as they all looked as if they were bleeding to death and yet no-one but Angel had a mark on them.

When the nurse in charge finally seemed satisfied that it was all Angel's blood they were wearing she sent them home.

He won't be out of ICU for a while and will be in no condition to see visitors.

I'm not leaving Cordelia said.

Buffy said nothing she simply slipped away, and sat next to Angel, her tears flowing freely.

In all the time she had fantasized about him becoming human she had never considered that it would only be to bleed to death form alight wound. And if he recovered, well it was pretty obvious that his heart was with Cordelia now. Buffy had lost him and so she held his hand, still warmer in it's near death state than it had ever been in it's true death form.

Cordelia found Buffy there, Wesley had brought here a fresh shirt but she was still a little spattered and stained, Cordelia was unconcerned about her own appearance.

How is he she asked Buffy

He's human.

Cordelia nodded, we prevented the End of Days, that was his final task.

You knew? Buffy asked

Yeah, I was there when Wesley translated the scroll.

No-one told me Buffy said.

Sorry.

Cordelia took Angel's hand and held it, she wanted to give him the same support he had given her over all of those long touch and go nights that they had been through.

Buffy slipped out of the room, she said nothing to any of her concerned friends who were back to await news of Angel's progress, she simply went home to shower, to ponder and to cry.

Cordelia talked to Angel. She didn't know if he could hear her but she felt so helpless.

Angel you can't leave us now, you did it, you, you saved the world, you got your humanity back, you can't just take a gift like that and throw it away on a silly cut on your shoulder.

Angel's eyes flickered but they never opened.

The doctors had done their best to repair the damage, he would have a scar but the young man seemed healthy in all other respects, there was no reason for his prolonged unconscious state, the nodded their heads in confusion and began to dread facing the hopeful faces in the waiting room, only to report that there had been no change.

It went on like this for days, Cordelia and Buffy by unspoken agreement never occupied the same room at the same time, instead they took shifts, each spending hours at Angel's side, stroking his prominent forehead, crying and confessing all their sins to his un-hearing ears, waiting.

As soon as Buffy stepped out Cordelia moved to his side, and vice versa.

During the long nights Cordelia and Xander renewed their friendship, it was on another level now. He took care of her, made sure she ate, and slept a little, and listened as she cried, an told him everything, everything about Greg, about life in LA about the drugs, the alcohol, herself. It was new and familiar at the same time and in the darkest moments of the night she admitted her fear that Angel wouldn't pull through, that she would be responsible for his death.

Buffy kept her emotions to herself. Giles tried, Willow tried, even Wesley tried but Buffy was not talking, she simply sat at angles side, and even when she opened up to him, she never admitted her fear of losing him. The fear was too great, if she let it out it would swallow her whole.

It had been four days with no change, Cordelia was taking her turn at his side, Buffy was standing tight lipped by the door...waiting.

Angel Cordelia said to is immobile form, Angel, you have to come back to me, I need you, pleas Angel I can't take this, I can't have killed you.

Angel listened, again Cordelia was blaming herself for what wasn't her fault.

His eyes flickered open and he croaked, it's not your fault 'delia, he squeezed her hand lightly.

Angel, Angel, are you awake?

He opened his eyes and tried to lift his head, the pain argued with him and he let it drop back down to the pillow.

Buffy heard the words and opened the door in time to see Angel's head drop back down to the pillow.

She rushed to his side, Angel, she said, Angel

Angel opened his eyes again, Cordelia on his left, Buffy on his right, wha wha, what happened.

You're human Cordelia said.

We, you stopped the End of Days Buffy said.

Angel processed this, it would explain the pain in his arm, shoulder head back, well, everywhere, and the four questioning eyes boring into him.

He considered his options as carefully as a man in his condition could do and shut his eyes again, maybe a few more days in a coma would help him figure this one out.

I'll go get a doctor Cordelia said,

No I'll go Buffy replied, already at the door.

When she saw her friends standing with expectant looks she put a hard blank look on her face.

He's awake she said, and headed towards the nurses station to inform a doctor.

Angel awoke the next morning to find Cordelia still there, he felt a little stronger and managed to sit up, Cordelia grabbed a few pillows and propped him up. 

Cordy, um,

Angel it's okay don't try to say anything.

It's just that, well, human you know, I guess we're both kinda out of a job.

Angel, that's the least of your worries you need to get better.

Buffy followed an intern into the room and Cordelia smiled at him and went to talk to Xander.

So Xander said, Angel's awake, that's good, and' I can't even call him dead boy anymore

Cordelia frowned, yeah, well you always were jealous of him.

Yeah, him and Buffy.

Xander smiled at her, at least I don't make the same mistake twice.

She gave him a questioning look.

Hey Cordelia, I know we've grown closer, and what comfort we took from each other, that was great, well better than great, but I see the way Angel looked...looks at you and I see the way you care for him, I won't throw myself in the middle of Angel and a beautiful woman again, that way leads to heartache, and um, bad stuff. He gave a brave smile.

Cordelia was still looking at him questioningly. You think I'm in love with Angel.

Um yeah?

Xander you think last night, all those nights were about comfort?

Um, yeah?

Xander as soon as you learn something about women, give me a call.

I really thought I had he mumbled as she stormed away. He wanted to follow her but had no idea what to say.

The intern looked at Angel's shoulder and then looked back at the chart, ha.

Is there a problem Buffy asked. No no, the young doctor said it's just that the chart was obviously printed wrong, this says he's only been here for five days, I am sure they meant a month and five days.

Angel looked at him questioningly. That shoulder wound, it's not five days old, it's almost healed.

Buffy peeked under his hospital gown.

Hey he yelled!!

Please she said, I just want to see, and it was a sight she recognized, the knitting and healing of a wound in quick order. 

You kept some traits she smiled. Noticing the sun coming directly down from the window onto his face, and she said glancing pointedly at the window, lost a few as well.

The doctor looked confused.

I'm a quick healer Angel said, now if someone could get me some clothes, I'll be out of here.

Oh yeah, the black stuff Buffy said we had to burn that.

Lot of blood and...stuff she looked at him, he smiled.

Can I get a pair of jeans, she smiled again, the doctor left, unsure of what to make of the couple who apparently found shoulder wounds and blood reason for great amusement.

As soon as the doctor left the smile left Buffy's face and she was back to business, Angel, look I won't make it hard on you, I mean, I have before, but I won't anymore, you can move on now and I want you too, I do.

She may heal quickly Buffy mused, but this is a pain that will linger.

Move on Angel asked?

Yeah she said speaking slowly, to Cordelia, to a new life in LA, a human life.

You think I want Cordelia.

Um yeah?

Buffy, did you EVER know me?

Well I thought I did.

Buffy there has never been anyone for me other than you, ever, and I am not sure of the logistics of all of this, but I know this, I am not letting you go now that I can have my one desire...you. He stood up and feeling the draft from the back of his gown sat back down, come here.

She moved in between his knees and he kissed her.

She thought about stuff, but nothing she would remember later,

He didn't think at all, and as he wrapped both his arms around her and held her close to him he made a promise that he was finally in a position to keep.

I will never hurt you, and never let you go.

EPILOUGE.

One Year Later

Angel was standing outside the church in a tuxedo, he felt odd, not just the sunlight, which he was still getting used to, but the venue, he had had this dream more times than he could count, the trees flowering and swaying in the breeze, the organ music, all of it.

He was brought out of his reverie by Xander, Angel, Angel, we need you at the FRONT of the church, Angel smiled and headed toward his spot.

You got the rings man?

Yeah I got 'em, Angel replied as he showed the two simple silver bands to Xander. Good, she'd kill me if I didn't have them.

No she... wait, Angel said, yes yes she would, he looked at Cordelia, looking radiant in a simply cut white dress that only served to accentuate her long lean body and graceful limbs. She smiled at Angel and then turned her full attention and the biggest smile Angel had ever seen her wear towards Xander.

Buffy was only slightly annoyed by the ugly bridesmaid dress she had been forced to wear, and Wesley was only crying a little as he gave the bride away.

All was in order and there would be not END OF DAYS.

The end

I know it's not apparent but I slaved over this

It is my first actually completed fanfic and without feedback, well, I'll die, so please let me know what you think.

Thanx

Vamphile. 


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